Reverse Piece
by Kay Hau
Summary: Gender Bender, kinda-sorta rewrite of the series. ALL the strawhats genders have been swapped – how does this shake things up? Or does it? Open to ideas. Latest chapter: Usopp Intro.
1. Chapter 1: Luffy Intro

_Author's Note: This chapter is due to be rewritten. The new Luffy-intro chapter will be original instead of canon. Please be patient with me and not judge this story by the quality of this first chapter!_

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><p>Red-haired Shanks sat at a bar in the small village his crew had made their base, sitting next to the strangest little girl he'd ever met. And likely was ever to meet.<p>

The little girl had enormous eyes, with apparently no eyelashes, and a small bandage over a fresh cut below her left eye where she'd stupidly stabbed herself trying to prove how tough she was to Shanks and his crew to get them to take her out to sea. Her hair was no different from a boy's, unless you count how incredibly BAD the haircut was, with large chunks sticking up in every direction. And she was dressed in jeans shorts, a T-shirt with an anchor on it, and flip-flops. Honestly, he'd never have known she was a girl if the townspeople hadn't referred to her as '_she'_.

The strange little girl was shoveling meat into her mouth, honestly no different from most of the rest of his crew.

It was absolutely hilarious. Lately he'd been coming here just to laugh at the crazy little girl.

"Why can't I come with you?" she demanded, frowning at him in annoyance.

"'Cause ya sink like a rock, Anchor!" he responded, reaching over and messing up her hair even more. "Maybe in ten years or so."

"I'm learning!" shouted the girl angrily, standing up on her seat and waving a fork with a steak on it over her head as if it was some sort of a flag. "My punch is a strong as a pistol! I'll send anyone flying next time they call me Anchor!" She leaned down to stare into Shanks face, her face strong-set and determined.

Completely serious, she said, "I'm gonna be the best, strongest pirate ever! I'm gonna be the Pirate King!"

Everyone in the room started laughing their heads off in delight. This crazy little girl was insisting something so bizarre beer flew across the room as pirates and townspeople fought to keep from spewing it out as they broke into uncontrollable laughter.

"Not gonna happen, Anchor," laughed Shanks.

"What's so funny? And I told you not to call me that!" screamed the little girl, charging at Shanks, furious. She shoved the steak in her mouth, then reeled back a punch and struck the pirate in the stomach.

Shanks continued laughing and the rest of the crew joined in. Though secretly he rubbed his sore stomach. Maybe not on the level of a pistol, but the little girl sure could pack a punch.

"You can't be King, stupid! You're a girl!"

"Yeah, and nobody can be pirate king anyway! Not since Gold Roger was killed!"

"Just you wait! I'll show you all!" insisted the little girl, plopping back into her seat. "Makino! Dessert!" she cried out to the tavern's proprietress. "Put it on my treasure tab!"

"Treasure tab?" mocked Shanks, a grin on his face.

"Yeah! I'm gonna pay Makino back when I become a great pirate and have tons of treasure!"

"Ya gotta learn to swim first, Anchor," chuckled Shanks.

All the pirates cracked up and went back to their boozing and merrymaking. The little girl continued to shove food into her mouth, barely paying attention to what went in. She reached over and grabbed a strange fruit just as one of Shank's crew started reliving the story of how they discovered one of the legendary Devil's Fruits.

"And here it is!" the pirate cheered, lifting up an empty box from the bar next to Luffy and displaying it proudly.

Silence instead of cheering met his shout.

"HUH?" went around forty voices, and all eyes turned to the strange little monkey of a girl, who still held the last bite of the Devil's Fruit in her hand. Not noticing the stares on her, she popped the last piece in her mouth and swallowed.

"Yuck!" she complained, sticking out her tongue. "This is gross! I think it's rotten!"

"Luffy!" cried out Shanks in a panic, reached down and grabbing the girl by the shoulders. "That was the Gum-Gum Devil's Fruit! It changes whoever eats it into rubber, and worse…!"

"Worse?" panicked the girl.

"You'll never be able to swim!"

The girl's mouth dropped open in horror.

Shanks' first mate started chuckling. "Well, Luffy, there go your plans of being pirate queen."

"KING, stupid! King!" shouted the little girl. "And just you watch! I'll… I'll be a pirate that never falls overboard!"

"Now, now, Anchor," began Shanks calmingly, before he suddenly laughed. "Hey, now the name really fits!"

"HEY!" screamed the girl angrily. "You're just picking on me!"

"Guy's gotta have a hobby!" let out Shanks, unable to stop laughing mostly due to the furious girl's funny-looking face.

With a loud crash, the door to the tavern suddenly was flung open and crashed into the wall. Silence filled the room as a huge man, flanked by dozens of rough-looking men, stood in the entry and looked deridingly around at the pirates and townspeople.

"Crap," whispered Makino.

Shanks gave her a sideways look.

"Mountain bandits," she whispered, before plastering a professional smile on her face.

"Welcome, sir. How may I help you?" she asked the man politely, her raised voice ringing in the silence of the room.

"Beer," grumbled the man, gesturing for his men to stay in the doorway while he approached the bar the proprietress was standing behind. He sidled right up to Red-haired Shanks and Luffy, only sparing them a disgust-filled glance.

"I apologize, sir, but we're sold out. I just sold our last bottle," replied Makino, her hands twisting nervously in the towel she was holding even as her face remained welcoming and calm. "Is there anything else…"

BANG! The man slammed his hands on the counter and leaned forward threateningly. Makino's professional mask slipped and she took a nervous step backwards.

"Sorry about that, man," said Shanks casually, holding up an unopened bottle of beer he'd just gotten from Makino before the man arrived. "This is the last one. Here ya go."

The man took it and slammed the bottle over Shanks' head, shattering glass and sending the red-haired man and the full bottle's worth of beer to the floor. If not for Shanks' straw hat, he would've had some serious damage from the glass alone. The pirates studiously ignored the scene and the townspeople desperately tried to look invisible.

Instead of getting upset, Shanks merely started picking up the glass from the ground. "Sorry about that, Makino," he apologized to the proprietress.

The man started laughing in a mocking tone. His gang in the entry joined in. "I don't want your scrap, pathetic pirate. Get your tails out of this town before we kick you out ourselves. Disgusting, weak, whiny pirates. Losers."

The pirates said nothing to defend themselves.

"Take it back!" screamed little Luffy, to everyone's shock. Shanks quickly grabbed the girl and hauled her into his lap, his hand covering her mouth. Behind his hand, the girl continued to try to scream and shout, trying to get at the bandit to start a fight.

No-one said anything. The mountain bandit snorted in derision at the screaming child and turned on his heel.

"We'll be back. Make sure to have enough beer," he warned Makino, then slipped out the tavern. His gang melted away after him.

Luffy furiously bit Shanks' hand.

"Hey!" he yelped, freeing her. "What was that for?"

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?" screamed the girl. "You just let him WALK AWAY! He insulted you! He hit you! And you let him WALK AWAY!"

"Look," said Shanks, setting a hand on the girl's head. "Luffy, words mean nothing. And it was just a bottle of beer."

"But he… you…" Shanks just watched her, his face saying he believed he was being perfectly reasonable. A tear crept down from one of the girl's eyes, which she swiped away impatiently.

"I HATE YOU!" screamed the little girl, taking off out the door, face red in fury and twisted with betrayal.

Shanks shrugged and returned to the bar. After a few minutes, the joking and conversations started up again.

After about two hours they heard shouting and a townsperson charged in. "Makino! Mayor!" cried out the man. "They've got Luffy!"

"What?" cried out Makino, throwing down her towel and charging for the door, the mayor right behind her. Neither noticed the look exchanged between Shanks and his crew before they got up and followed.

"What happened?" demanded the mayor as they ran towards the edge of town.

"Luffy started the fight! Screamed at them something about 'taking it back'! They're gonna kill her!"

They made it to the edge of town. Makino almost collapsed from the hard run, leaning over with her hands on her knees as she stared helplessly at the situation in front of them. The mayor coughed and started cursing pirates and bandits under his breath, but when Makino glanced at him, she saw him hiding his eyes and tears streaking down his face.

Luffy was on the ground kicking and swinging and screaming in rage, surrounded by jeering bandits kicking and stepping on her. Every time she tried to get up or grab one of them, three more legs were in her face or kicking her in the back or head or pinning her down. At this point, her new gum-gum powers were quite obvious, as instead of the loud cracks of bones being smashed or the thuds of muscle being slammed into, there was the noise of rubber stretching and bouncing with each kick. Not to say the girl wasn't getting hurt – her face and skin was covered in blood from where the bandits' boots and the rocks on the road had torn through her skin.

The bandit leader leaned over. "Take what back?" he mocked. "Calling that filthy pirate a piece of scum?"

"TAKE IT BACK!" screamed the little girl, even with a boot smashing her flexible face against the ground, making her head look squished like a ball or piece of dough.

"What a freak!" laughed the bandit leader, grabbing her arm and stretching it out, then laughing as it snapped back toward her when he let it go. "Maybe we could sell the brat to a circus or something…"

"Luffy, you okay?" asked a calm, and completely unexpected, voice coming from behind the crowd. As one, the bandits, the townspeople, and Luffy turned their heads to stare at a casually approaching Red-haired Shanks in disbelief.

"Go 'way! Hate you!" choked out the girl.

The bandit leader laughed. "Hah! Even children hate pirates! Weak little…"

"SHUT UP!" screamed the girl, struggling mightily to get out from under the six or seven feet pressing her down. "Take it back! Shanks' isn't weak!"

Shanks' face was hidden in the shadow from his straw hat. He stepped forward.

One of the bandits raised a gun and pointed it at the pirate captain.

Shanks tilted his head up, revealing his normal cheerful grin. "Pointing guns at me is bad for your health," he commented lazily.

Before anyone could figure out what he meant by that, a loud gunshot ran through the air and the bandit lay on the ground, dead. One of Shanks' crew casually readjusted the smoking gun to point towards the crowd of bandits.

With a tremendous shout of rage from the bandits, and mocking laughter from the pirates, the two sides clashed. It was clear from the beginning that the bandits stood no chance, as they went down by threes and fours while not one pirate fell. In seconds, all the bandits had fallen or run off. When the dust cleared it revealed the bandit leader running off, Luffy grasped tight against him.

"Let me go!" rang out Luffy's furious shout as the man charged for the port.

Shanks cursed as he took off after them. "You can insult me, you can hit me, but don't you dare hurt my friends!" he growled as he charged after them, his crew behind him.

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><p>"Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!" shouted Luffy, punching and kicking and biting. The bandit leader cursed, but didn't dare let go of the little brat. A hostage was his last hope to getting out of here alive. He slashed a sword through the rope tying a small fishing boat to one of the docks and jumped in. He only set the brat down once they were a good ways from shore, watching with a smirk as the townspeople and pirates reached the beach.<p>

Luffy clung to the side of the boat, frozen in fear as she stared out at the ocean. She distantly heard Shanks shouting her name, but her focus was on the water splashing against and into the small boat. Suddenly the boat shuddered, then jolted. She let out a yelp and clung tighter to the boat.

The bandit leader looked over his shoulder and froze, mouth dropping open in soundless horror as he stared down the maw of an enormous sea monster. The monster swam forward and it's jaw started closing.

The man screamed bloody murder and tried to jump overboard. The teeth crashed together, splitting the boat in half, just barely missing the little girl – but closing on the man and swallowing him whole.

Luffy screamed as she was thrown from the wreckage and crashed into the water. She felt her body freeze as if paralyzed the instant she crashed into the water. She sunk like a rock.

Suddenly someone or something was pulling her up. She didn't realize it was Shanks until they broke the water and took gulps of air. Her eyes were blurry and her head was buzzing, but she suddenly saw and felt something looming over them.

She screamed in terror as she recognized the sea monster that had just eaten the bandit. She clung to Shanks in panic and heard those teeth again crash together, but she wasn't in a mouth and she heard Shanks say just two words. Two words in the coldest, most terrifying tone she'd ever heard. A tone that promised death.

"Go. Away."

The sea monster let out a panicked scream and turned tail, escaping as quickly as it could.

Luffy looked up into her hero's face.

"You okay?" asked Shanks, smiling casually.

Luffy's eyes dropped to his arm and couldn't help the uncontrolled scream of pain that erupted from her chest and throat as she saw he had lost an arm protecting her. She clung to his neck, sobbing and screaming in heartbreak.

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><p>Months later, a recovered Red-haired Shanks, covering up his missing arm with a cape, bent down to say farewell to the little monkey girl who'd come to be so special to him and his crew over the past couple years.<p>

"You have to go?" whimpered Luffy. "You're not coming back?"

"The Marines have caught on to this being our base, Luffy."

The girl lowered her head and tears started rolling down her face.

"I…. I can't join the crew?"

He didn't need to reply. She knew the answer.

"Hey, the future pirate king can't be caught crying! Can she?" he teased, tilting her head up to look at him. "Kings don't cry."

"Not crying, idiot!" shouted the girl, rubbing her eyes. She felt something land on her head and reached up to grab it, gasping as she felt Shanks' straw hat.

"Give that back to me next time," said Shanks, standing up and raising a hand in farewell as he headed down the dock towards his ship. "When we meet as pirates."

"When… When I'm the pirate king!" shouted the girl, tears still pouring from her eyes, but a huge grin on her face as she waved farewell to Red-haired Shanks and his pirate crew.

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><p><em>Author's Notes: Any suggestions on names? I was thinking Luffy, Sanji, and Robin could stay the same, but I think I may have to change Zoro (Zora?) and Nami (Nomi? Namo?). Tony Tony Chopper will just change the spelling to Toni Toni Chopper, and Franky to Frankie. Sound good? I don't want to change them unless it doesn't make sense otherwise. (In other words, if enough people thing Zoro, Tony, and Frankie are okay names for girls and Nami is an okay name for a guy, I'll leave them be.)<em>

_Note, I will be keeping them in-character while I change their genders. For example… In my head, that means instead of Sanji still hitting on girls, SHE is now always hitting on guys (particularly Nami/Nomi and Robin). And she still shows her 'love' by cooking and fawning, not acting giggly or helpless. Zoro (Zora?) will still kick serious butt and act like a hardcore training-obsessed samurai. And Nami (Nomi?) will have now use masculine rather than feminine whiles to get HIS way. Et cetera. Everyone's abilities and skills and personality (as best I can write them) should still be the same._

_Feel free to overwhelm me with ideas and suggestions! This should be fun!_


	2. Chapter 2: Koby

_Author's Note: Wow, I can't believe the great response I've gotten to this story on just chapter one! Thank you guys so much! A lot of fantastic advice as well, and a bunch of great ideas! This chapter was going to jump to Zoro, but I think I'm going to go ahead and include the Koby/Alvida arc first, just 'cause I really want to write this!  
><em>

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><p>Koby, a small, rather weak looking cabin-boy to the evil lady pirate, Iron Mace Alvida, sat curled up on the beach, crying and trying desperately to muffle his sobs so none of Alvida's pirate crew would hear him. He didn't want this. He didn't want to be here. He hated his life.<p>

As he whimpered and wiped at his red, swollen eyes, he noticed something funny bobbing in the water. A barrel? Probably rum or something from a capsized ship. As he watched, it got caught in a wave and washed onto shore, leaving a long stretch of shoved sand to testify to the weight inside.

Maybe he could give it to Alvida's crew. Get them off his back for a while? Maybe? It was worth a shot. Besides, they'd be furious if they found up he'd passed on free booze for them.

He walked over to the barrel and examined it. It looked fairly solid and not waterlogged at all. Still in really good condition, so it probably wasn't in the sea water that long. He knocked on the side, wondering if it would sound hollow.

The knocks sounded hollow, not at all like they should on a heavy barrel filled with liquid. But it was the second noise that really threw him.

A loud yawn. He frowned. Was he hearing things? Something or other stuck inside making weird noises?

"Who is it?" called out a muffled voice from inside the barrel, sounding all the world like someone answering a knock on their door.

His mouth dropped open in shock. Someone was _inside_ the barrel?

His shock wouldn't stop there.

"Where am I anyway?" continued the voice, and he heard the sounds of yawning and stretching. "Awfully small bed. Oh, yeah! The whirlpool!"

"Whirlpool?" whimpered Koby, not sure whether to be alarmed, terrified, or just plain freaked out.

"Heeheehee!" giggled the voice. "I'm in a barrel~! It's warm in he~re!" it continued, singing. "But way too small!"

After that, with a colossal smash, something burst out of the barrel, reminiscent in a freaky way of a chick hatching from an egg. Koby could've sworn he heard the creature say something like "Yatta!" as it broke out, but that didn't really make any sense… did it?

A weird looking… oh my god, a _girl_ stood in the wreckage. She had huge, rather strange eyes, a straw hat over sloppy dark hair, a _really_ tight red vest (his only hint that this was a girl he was looking at), denim jeans rolled up to the knees, and unbelievably non-seaworthy sandals. The girl stood there, stretching as if waking from a really good nap. After a minute she looked around and noticed Koby, smiling in an enormous way that showed _way_ too many teeth.

Koby skittered backwards in the sand. This wasn't a _girl_! This was some kind of _monster_!

"You knocked?" asked the girl, squatting down facing Koby, who had fallen backwards and never bothered to get up. "Name's Luffy. I'm going to be Pirate King. And you?"

"K-Koby. W… wait a second! What are you talking about? F-first of all, girls aren't kings! They're queens! Second, to be _pirate king_ in the Golden Age of Piracy, you'd have to be equal to Gold Roger! It's impossible! What, you're looking for One Piece?"

The girl tilted her head. "Stupid. Why should the Pirate King be called anything but the Pirate King? The king is the best, right? And I'm gonna be the best pirate." Then she smiled that huge smile again. "Nice ta meet ya, Koby. So, I'm gonna be Pirate King. I've embarked on my great adventure to collect nakama for my pirate crew." She laughed delightedly. "Too bad it go interrupted when my rowboat got sucked into a whirlpool! Luckily I had this barrel I'd stuffed with meat." She grinned at him excitedly. "So, what are you? Besides short and weak?"

Koby's mouth dropped open. "Hey!"

The girl looked puzzled. "What?"

"I… I… I can't help being short! And I wasn't crying because I was weak! I… I'm going to be a great Marine one day!"

Luffy nodded seriously. Or, rather, she appeared to be _trying_ to be serious. "I see. Your training is… weird. Much better than my grandfather throwing me off that cliff into the forest, though. So you were abandoned here to raise yourself and become a strong Marine?"

"NO! I was captured and forced to be a cabin boy by…"

"KOBY!" shrieked an all-too familiar voice.

A shiver ran down Koby's back.

"Forced?" asked Luffy, frowning. "Is that good training for Marines? I'd much rather be a pirate."

"NO!" cried out Koby, actually forgetting Alvida in trying to knock some sense into this stupid girl. "I'm trying to escape! I have a boat and everything! Once I _escape_, then I can become a Marine and lock up Alvida forever! That…"

"Lock up who?" demanded that same voice from earlier, though now much closer.

Luffy looked up to where the sand turned to dirt as it sloped inland. And she saw… Her eyes widened. "Sugoi! So cool!"

The hugely obese pirate lady preened at the impressed aura coming off the strangely dressed girl. "Impressed at my beauty, flat little baby girl?" she bragged, sauntering and posing in a way she thought showed off her curves. Well, it did, but those weren't exactly curves people wanted to look at…

"I've never seen someone so ugly!" continued Luffy, in that awestruck tone.

Alvida's mouth dropped open. Behind her, every one of her fifty-strong crew (of all men) gasped.

"Or fat! So incredibly fat! Koby – look at her! She's HUGE!"

Koby's mouth was practically on the ground in horror.

Luffy's eyes sparkled. "Big as… as four barrels! No, as… as ten! BIGGER than my boat! At least five times my boat! A hundred times! SOOOO cool!"

Alvida finally found her tongue. Her face was flushed red in rage. "Do you mean to insult me girl?"

"Insult?" Luffy looked at Koby. "Was I insulting her?"

Koby managed to jerk out a terrified nod.

Luffy looked back at Alvida. "Yes!" she shouted to the fat lady.

"You! You skinny little twerp! Flat little… little… ARGH! You think you're prettier than me?"

Luffy didn't need to think about it. She nodded easily. "Any girl's prettier than you," she replied happily, as if she was carrying on a wonderful conversation with a dear friend. She frowned and tilted her head. "Well, any girl under 500 pounds…"

Alvida had had enough. She raised the enormous iron mace for which she's received her pirate name and charged.

Koby screamed and grabbed the weird looking girl to try yank her aside. He was a coward, but not even he could leave even the weirdest looking and stupidest girl in the East Blue to face the wrath of Iron Mace Alvida.

He couldn't move her. Instead, he ended up looking like a crab clinging to the girl's waist as the Iron Mace slammed down, half flattening the girl's head beneath the straw hat.

Koby shrieked in absolute panic, expecting to be drenched in blood and the body to topple right over.

Instead he heard a giggle. Which soon erupted into a full laugh that rang through the stunned silence.

"Does~n't hurt!" sang the girl cheerfully, grabbing the enormous iron mace and casually yanking it from a stunned Alvida's hands. She tossed it over her shoulder, far off into the ocean somewhere.

Alvida raged and charged forward.

"GUM GUM…" shouted Luffy, sidestepping Alvida and flinging an arm back. Koby's mouth dropped open as that arm continued stretching on and on at least fifteen feet behind Luffy. Alvida was in too much of a rage to even notice.

"PISTOL!" shouted Luffy, and slammed her closed fist forward in a punch that slammed Alvida in the gut and sent her flying far off into the distance.

Alvida's pirates stared as the huge blimp of their pirate captain sailed over their heads and off, possibly miles inland. Their eyes turned as one to stare at Luffy, then someone screamed. They all turned tail and ran off screaming after their pirate captain, leaving Luffy and Koby on the beach.

Koby turned to stare in shock at the weird girl. "You… You… How did you…?"

"I'm a rubber girl. Wanna be my nakama?"

"HUH?"

"That was the lady you were trying to escape from, right? So you can go now."

"WHAT?"

Luffy frowned. "You don't want to be my nakama?"

Koby shook his head roughly, trying to see if this was all a dream or what, but nothing was changing. And the weird girl was watching him with big, pleading eyes.

"Luffy, I… No! No, you said you're going to be a pirate, right?"

"Yes. I'm a pirate. I'm going to be Pirate King."

"Queen."

"King."

"Whatever. I'm going to be a _Marine_! I can't afford to be friends with pirates!"

"Oh. So you're staying with the fat lady?"

"What? NO!"

"So we're going then?"

"Yes!"

"Yay! You're joining my crew!"

"NO!"

"So we're not going?"

"We're going!"

"Yay! Thank you! Where's your boat?"

"Huh?"

"Yosh! Here we go!"

Luffy grabbed the much shorter Koby by the collar of his shirt and started dragging him off down the beach, clearly looking for a boat.

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><p><em>Author's Note: Lol! Sorry, I know I'm not supposed to like my own stuff this much, but I just love Luffy so much when he's acting like this! Not exactly a full chapter, so consider this a bonus as a thank you to everyone! Next up, we meet the terrifying bounty hunter Zora! <em>

_Oh, and please pardon my terrible Japanese and feel free to correct me. Only Luffy will be using Japanese phrases, and only because I feel these little phrases are so integral to the character.  
><em>

_As always, I'm totally open to ideas! I really don't want this to be just a rewrite of the original series, but something entertaining and fun! Hope you enjoyed!_


	3. Chapter 3: Zora Intro

_Author's Note: Yes, I do use a swear in this chapter. Since this is for One Piece, I'm pretty sure it won't offend anyone, but I figured I'd drop the warning anyway.  
><em>

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><p>"Teacher! Teacher! Kuina and Zora are fighting again!"<p>

A loud laugh came from inside the small house and a slim, boring-looking middle-age man stepped outside, heeding the calls of his young male students. The man was a great swordsman, but looking at the large glasses and easygoing manner, you'd never guess.

"Long as they don't kill each other," he chuckled, watching the two girls trying to do just that.

It was a strange fight, and one that happened every day at 3pm like clockwork. His daughter, 13 year old Kuina, a pretty dark-haired girl just hitting maturity, and the rough 10 year old tomboy Zora, a small girl with curly green hair who thought wielding two swords would give her an advantage against the older girl, would fight with wooden practice swords surrounded by cheering boys. Honestly, most of the boys just gathered to see Kuina mop the floor with Zora in a just a couple minutes. Zora had worked her way up from the bottom and had defeated every person on their island with the exceptions of Kuina and their teacher. But even after being defeated by Zora, all the cheers were for the green-haired girl, with the hopes of seeing the day the invincible Kuina would fall.

Sure enough, in a matter of seconds from when the teacher stepped outside, he saw his daughter, wielding her sword with a skill that could best most Marines, disarm the smaller girl and kick her onto her back, pinning her there with a foot.

"Damn!" screamed Zora in a rage. "It's not fair! I practice hours more than you every day!"

"Well, then you'd best add a few hours to your schedule," taunted Kuina, stepping back from the girl with the strange hair and cockily flipping her sword in her hand. "And ditch the double-sword idea. It's just slowing you down."

"It is not!"

"Is so!"

"Is not!"

"Is so!"

"You're just wasting your time!" scolded Kuina, glaring at the smaller girl. "There's no point!"

"I'll teach you there not being a point!" screamed Zora furiously, thinking Kuina was insulting her. "Tonight! Be ready!" And she ran off before anyone could try reason with her, her uncontrollable green curls bouncing around her head as she ran off.

That night, Zora turned up behind her teacher's house with two real swords she'd found a while back and had been hording. Kuina was waiting for her. As if she'd read the younger girl's mind, her personal sword -, a gift from her father, lay in her lap. She stood as the green-haired girl approached.

"Scared of real swords?" taunted Zora, holding up her own.

"Why should I be scared if I'm going to win?" mocked Kuina.

Without another word they got started. Within two minutes, Zora again lay on her back, her swords out of reach, Kuina stepping on her chest.

Zora stared at the stars above her for a long moment, panting for breath. Suddenly tears started rolling down her face.

"It's not fair! Why can't I beat you? I have to beat you to become the strongest swordsman!"

Kuina glared down at the younger girl and stepped off. "I'll tell you what's not fair, Zora! And why I'm always telling you you're wasting your time!"

Zora sat up, looking at Kuina with confusion in her eyes. Kuina didn't sound like her usual arrogant self. She sounded… upset. Like she was hurting inside.

"Neither of us will _ever_ be the best, Zora! Why do you think people always talk about 'the world's best swords_man_'! The best swordsman is always, has always been, and will always be a guy! We don't have a chance! Once the other boys get bigger, they'll grow muscles we'll never match! We'll stop growing, and start…" The teenage girl hugged her chest. "We'll start growing breasts and then we'll get our periods and start collecting fat to prepare for having children…"

Zora wanted to interrupt Kuina, but to her shock, the older girl burst into tears, still hugging her chest.

"It's not just you, Zora! I want to be the best too! Why can't _I_ be the best, just 'cause I'm a girl! I'm better than you, and you're better than all the other boys on the island! It's not fair!"

"There's… there's lots of great swordswomen…" protested Zora weakly, confused at Kuina's outburst, wanting to comfort her but unsure of what the whole issue was to begin with.

"Have any of them come _close_ to matching the greatest swordsmen?" demanded Kuina sharply. "No! In truth, they're _lousy_ next to the true best! They're only famous because they're _women_ and _women_ aren't supposed to be strong! They're called the best because they're being compared to housewives and girlfriends!"

Zora frowned at her. "So let's just be swords_men_ instead of swords_women_. Then we'll be able to be the greatest."

"You don't get it, Zora!"

The younger girl drew herself up proudly. "It's just a word, Kuina! Both fight with swords, so it's the same thing! If no girl ever made it to the top, it's because no girl was ever as determined as I am!"

Kuina stared wide-eyed at the younger girl.

"I'm not going to give up! And I won't let you give up! You're better than me! So I have to get better than you to surpass you on my way to the top! How can that be an accomplishment if you _give up before you even start_! Don't insult me! I will be the greatest swordsman in history! I'll have all those guy swordsmen so scared, they'll never even stop to think about whether I'm a girl or a boy!"

Kuina stared at the girl for a long moment, a slow smile creeping up. She wiped her eyes, a little bit of her normal confidence creeping back into her demeanor.

"You want to be the best, Zora?"

"Yeah!"

"Then you're going to have to fight me for it! Because _I'm _going to be the greatest swordsman!" Kuina raised her sword and gestured with her free hand for Zora to fetch her own scattered swords.

Zora grinned excited as she grabbed her swords and lunged at the older, more skilled swordswoman.

The next day Kuina died. Tripped and fell down the stairs.

Zora cried for hours at the gravesite. Afterwards, she asked her teacher for Kuina's sword, which he gave to her. Before Kuina's grave, with Kuina's sword, she hacked off all her green curls, leaving her hair in a choppy masculine cut not even an inch long.

"I'll be the best swordsman ever. So good, everyone will have to see that there's no difference between a swordsman and a swordswoman," Zora swore. "I'll prove it to you, Kuina. That you could've been the best. That _we _could've been the best."

* * *

><p>"Zora the pirate hunter?" asked Luffy, staring off at the land coming to view.<p>

"She's a bounty hunter imprisoned at the Marine Station on the island we're stopping off at," replied Koby, expertly steering their little sail-powered boat with its rudder. "You've seriously never heard of her? They call her the green widow, kind of a play off the black widow spider? Though the people that have fought her say she's more demon than spider."

"Sounds cool! Let's go meet her!"

Koby was getting used to this crazy girl's insane comments, but he still smacked his head in exasperation. "Luffy! We are not going to meet that demon! She's a monster that kills men like flies!"

"I wouldn't let her hurt us. Besides, I'm not a man, so I'm safe, right?"

"Well… I don't really know. The stories say she's a fearsome swordswoman that hunts down wanted men for the bounties on their heads, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't attack a woman. And… hey! I'm still a guy! I'd be in danger!"

"I think I might ask her to join our crew."

"I'M NOT PART OF YOUR CREW! I'm going to be a MARINE, Luffy!"

"Why can't I have a Marine on my crew?"

Koby pounded a free hand against his forehead. "I can't be both, Luffy, and I'm not giving up my dream of being a Marine officer to go with you!"

Luffy seemed to freeze, then she turned and stared at him.

Koby waited for something stupid to come out of her mouth. Another strange protestation that didn't make sense and refused to acknowledge his own will.

To his surprise, she frowned and turned back to look at the dock now coming into view.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know it was your dream."

"Well, it is. That's why I chose this island when you said you didn't care where we went. I'm going to go right up to the captain in charge of the base and beg to be recruited."

"Good for you."

There was silence for a long couple minutes.

"Seriously? That's all you're going to say?" asked Koby, astounded.

"My dream is to be Pirate King and find One Piece. People always laughed and called my dream stupid." The girl glanced over to Koby, actually looking a little apologetic. "Dreams should never be made fun of."

"Well… okay, then," said Koby, still a little confused, but enormously grateful that she wasn't pushing the matter any further.

Soon they reached the port and docked Koby's tiny, homemade boat at a pier. As soon as they started walking around the town, they realized something was wrong.

Everyone was freakishly jumpy. At first Koby insisted it was because they had the terrifying Roronoa Zora imprisoned at the Marine Base, but when he asked around he soon realized it was the _Marines themselves_ that had the townspeople so scared.

For some reason, this made Luffy absolutely furious. She was about to charge right into the Marine Base, to do who-knows-what, but thankfully Koby managed to distract her when he noticed someone tied up in the prison yard outside the base.

"Who's that?" he asked, his voice full of pretend excitement as he pulled back as hard as he could on the rubber girl's arm.

Luffy turned her head, and her face instantly shifted from furious to curious.

The two made their way over to the prison yard and climbed to the top of a huge wall to get a better look into the prison yard.

A woman was tied to a post in the middle of it, and even from a distance she looked terrifying. Koby instantly recognized the green haramaki and black bandanna.

"That's Roronoa Zora!" he leaned over to whisper to Luffy, then noticed the weird girl was gone.

"Luffy!" he cried, turning back and seeing the girl already more than half-way across the grounds and waving a hand in greeting to the bound swordswoman.

"Hi! My name's Luffy! I'm thinking of inviting you to join my crew!" Koby heard her cheerfully greet the swordswoman from even across the yard.

"Oh, god, she's gonna die she's gonna die she's gonna die…" he started whimpering, then jumped and almost fell off the wall when he heard a 'clonk' right next to him. It was a ladder, and at the bottom of the ladder was an adorable little girl.

"Sh!" the little girl hushed him, before climbing to the top of the wall. She was about to swing over and jump down when Koby grabbed her.

"What are you doing?" gasped Koby. What was with all the crazy females? "Don't you know if you help a criminal you can be charged with the same crime?"

"Miss Zora is not a criminal!" shouted the little girl angrily. Off across the yard, Zora lowered her head in annoyance at hearing the high-pitched voice. Luffy looked over, curious about the girl's statement.

"Miss Zora was protecting me from these big mean dogs! The dogs belonged to Captain Morgan's son, and that meanie had Miss Zora locked up!"

"If it was something so minor, surely she'll be let go after…"

"That was nine days ago!" screamed the little girl. "Miss Zora has been tied to that post with nothing to eat since that day! They're going to kill her!"

"Kill her?"

"The Captain's son said so! He was laughing in town about it! I have to save her!" shouted the girl, fighting Koby's arms.

Koby was so stunned his grip on the little girl slipped. The girl quickly squirmed away and ran over to Luffy and Zora.

"Didja hear that?" Luffy asked Zora. "Sounds like they're going to kill you. Since it sounds like you're a good guy after all, I'll let you join my crew."

"I don't want to join a pirate crew," growled the swordswoman dangerously, her dark-rimmed eyes, in shadow from her low bandanna around her head, glared fiercely at the strange girl in front of her. "And the girl must've misheard. I was told if I could handle this for one month I'd be free to go."

"I'll find out for you," said Luffy casually, turning and heading off towards the Marine Base.

Koby was watching fearfully as the little girl bravely ran across the yard. He heard shouting and looked towards the Marine Base, his eyes falling on a huge man with a metal jaw, standing behind a…

A sniper. With a rifle pointed at the little girl.

"NO!" screamed Koby, lunging over the wall and dashing over to the little girl. How he made it, he'll never know, but he grabbed the girl and hid her beneath him just as the first shots rang out, one ripping its way past his shoulder.

Koby lay on the ground, wanting to scream and cry but too worried about the little girl to let himself. The little girl sat up and stared at him in shock, her big eyes taking in the growing red stain around his right shoulder.

"Mister…? Are you okay?" she asked fearfully, taking his face in her little hands.

"Just a scratch," said a cold, unexpected voice from above them.

Koby and the little girl looked up and realized they were practically at Roronoa Zora's feet.

"It just scraped your arm," repeated the swordswoman. "Get up and get out of here. Can't you hear the shouting?"

Sure enough, the sounds of dozens of Marine troops gathering and approaching rumbled around them. Before the panic could set in, the rumbling turned into smashing and screaming and gunshots.

"What the…" wondered Zora, looking over towards the entrance.

"Luffy…" whispered Koby, dragging himself upright. He turned to the little girl.

"Were you serious when you said the Captain's son said they're going to kill Zora? Do you remember the exact words?"

The girl was whimpering, but she bravely wiped her tears and said what she remembered. "He said Zora was an idiot for believing him and that his father thinks killing Zora will help him get a higher position, so they're going to kill Zora tomorrow…" She hiccupped in fear as another round of gunshots went inside.

"He… he promised…" whispered Zora in shock. "He swore! I've been putting up with this for nine days for _nothing_?"

"This is wrong," said Koby, mostly to himself. Tears in his eyes, he climbed all the way up to his feet and over to Zora, where he started pulling at the knots in the ropes binding the swordswoman.

"What are you doing?" demanded Zora. "They'll kill you too, idiot!"

"This is WRONG!" screamed Koby. "This is NOT what being a Marine is about! This is NOT what Marines should be doing!" He pulled at the knots as hard as he could, but they might as well have been iron chains. The little girl rushed over and started helping Koby, but she wasn't able to do any better.

"Marines… are supposed to help people! They're supposed to be the good guys! They're supposed to keep people safe, not living in fear! They're supposed to lock up the bad guys – not people rescuing little girl's from dogs! This is WRONG!"

Koby was past even realizing he was rambling as he yanked on the ropes.

Zora's heart was beginning to pound. The sounds of whatever fight was going on inside where approaching fast, and the teenage boy and little girl weren't so much as loosening the knots. She was helpless, her arms bound, her precious swords inside that base somewhere…

"KILL THEM!" they heard a booming man's voice scream above all the noise. "KILL THEM ALL!"

"Here I come!" came a loud, excited shout, rippling with laughter, and the weird girl from before jumped off the roof of the base. To Zora's shock, the girl's arms stretched over a hundred feet and wrapped around the post she was tied to. Her sharp eyes took in the dozens of Marines charging out of the building and lining the roof. All the ones on the roof fired at the weird girl, all the ones outside fired at the group of three, and Zora could only watch in horror as the millisecond of time seemed stretched into minutes as the bullets approached.

At the last possible moment the weird girl, Zora's swords in one arm, landed in front of the threesome and turned to face the bullets head on. To everyone's shock, the bullets seemed to enter into her body and stretch it out, instead of tearing through. With a loud BOING noise, the bullets ricocheted back towards the Marines.

Luffy started laughing in delight. "Bullets can't hurt a rubber girl!" she laughed, then turned back to Koby, Zora, and the little girl as the sounds of Marines' screaming and yelling and shouting filled the air, and one voice bellowing over the others that if guns didn't work to use swords.

"Looks like they really are planning to kill you," said Luffy unnecessarily. "So I figured I'd get your swords and rescue you. That Helmeppo guy said these were yours right before he passed out."

"How noble," grumbled Zora. "Just get these ropes off!"

"You have to agree to join my crew first!" protested Luffy.

"I'm not going to be a pirate!" roared Zora.

Luffy scowled, completely ignoring the Marines now charging at them with bare swords. "Fine then!" She stuck her tongue out. "If you don't join my crew, I won't give you your swords back! Or let you free! So there!"

"YOU LITTLE ….!"

Whatever profanity was about to slip from Zora's lips dropped as her eyes flickered towards the charging Marines, then at the now-crying little girl and whimpering teenage boy.

"Fine," huffed Zora. "Now get me out!"

Luffy casually approached and started picking at the ropes. "Wow, these are tight!" she exclaimed, clearly impressed.

"We're gonna die we're gonna die we're gonna die…" chanted Koby, eyes full of charging Marines and naked swords. A huge man, Captain Morgan with his steel jaw and iron axe for a hand, roaring behind them for deaths to the foursome.

It happened in milliseconds, possibly less. Luffy finally untied one of Zora's arms; Zora grabbed all three swords in that free hand and used one to completely free herself; then suddenly, just as the Marines were on top of the foursome and the swords were already plunging downward, Zora was there blocking the swords. One sword in her mouth, one sword in her right hand, one sword in her left hand, all three swords managing to hold back dozens of gleaming blades.

"You hear me," growled Zora to Luffy. How she managed to speak around the sword in her mouth was unknown. "I am going to be the world's greatest swordsman. Don't you dare get in my way!"

Luffy laughed. "Fine with me! I'm going to be Pirate King, and anything less wouldn't be worthy!"

Zora watched Luffy for a long moment, then smirked. "Well, captain, shall we clean up this trash?"

"Yosh!" cheered Luffy, and she charged, arms, and occasionally legs, swinging and stretching and grabbing and throwing. Zora spun around, scattering and disarming the swordsman that had been locked against her blades. The twosome practically flew across the yard, fighting together as you would never dream was possible for two people who'd just met. Especially for two teenage girls against an entire Marine Base.

In seconds they had cleaned up the prison yard, leaving scarcely a dozen men still standing and Captain Axe-hand Morgan shoving past them, insisting he'd take care of this himself and ordering all cowards to kill themselves.

Thankfully Luffy intervened, swinging forward and crashing into the Captain before the order was carried out.

Luffy won hands down, though in a way it was mostly to Zora, who had delivered the final hit when Luffy turned her back on the Captain to save Koby from the Captain's son, Helmeppo.

As the Captain went down, a cheer went up from all the Marines at the base. Koby started crying in happiness at the realization that his dream was not ruined, that the Marines themselves were not evil, just the corrupt Captain.

The cheer spread from the base throughout the town. People were dancing and singing in the streets at the knowledge that Axe-hand Morgan's reign of terror was over.

"So what did you do to get the whole base so riled up?" asked Zora, as she prepared the boat the townspeople had given them. She taken off her black bandanna and tied it around her left forearm, making her look much less threatening and exposing her super short, curly green hair that actually quite resembled a marimo. "Punch the guy in the jaw? Or was it for entering the base without being invited?"

"Nah. It was just 'cause I knocked over a statue."

"Sheesh, what an idiot. Getting that mad over a statue."

"I know, right?"

Zora, now in a much better mood after breaking her forced nine-day fast at a huge luncheon by the little girl's mother, finished untying the boat. She jumped in and pushed off.

"Hey, is there any truth to you only attacking men?" asked Luffy casually. "Just wondering in case we have to fight women once we get to the Grand Line."

Zora sat down opposite Luffy and chuckled. "Garbage. I've been going after swordsman with big bounties on them, raising the level of my skill and making a name for myself. If there was a skilled swordswoman around here with a big bounty on her head, I'd be after her too. 'Course, now that I'm a pirate, I'll probably be the one with a bounty on my head soon enough."

"So why do you call yourself a swordsman, not a swordswoman?"

Zora leaned back, closing her eyes. "Why do you say you're going to be Pirate King, not Pirate Queen?"

"Is there a difference?"

"Right back at you."

Luffy laughed. "Okay, okay. Hey – Koby's at the beach to say goodbye!" Luffy stood up and waved both arms excitedly, watching as a sobbing but joyous Koby gave them the traditional Marine salute. Behind him, all the freed Marines from the base also saluted.

Zora laughed along with Luffy. "Marines saluting pirates – what do you know?" chuckled the swordswoman. She watched, smirking, as the lieutenant now in charge of the base turned on the other Marines and started shouting at them. She couldn't hear what it was about, but she had a gut feeling they were giving themselves a punishment for saluting pirates. Punishing yourself – how stupid.

"So, we're off to the Grand Line now?" asked Zora, laying down in the boat and staring up at the blue, blue sky.

"Yep!"

"Any idea how to get there?"

"Nope!"

Zora frowned for a second, then shrugged and let it go. She didn't know how to get there either, so they might as well just wait and see where the clear waters of the East Blue took them.

"We'll probably need a navigator eventually," she commented casually.

"And a musician! And a cook!" added Luffy excitedly.

"A bigger boat?" suggested Zora, smiling.

"A marksman!"

"Carpenter? Doctor? Some ships have archeologists and translators too."

"Those too!"

"Maybe we should've asked the townspeople for some food and water, come to think of it…"

"Don't worry, I'm super lucky! And drifting's worked well for me so far."

* * *

><p><em>Author's Notes: Quite a bit longer than usual for me – hope you enjoyed! Next up is Namizo the thiefnavigator! _

_As always, send me ideas/questions/comments/anything! I'm totally fine with anything from 10k word essays (Lol!) to 2-word "good job" reviews! You can even PM me if you want to have a serious conversation about something in this story. (Or want to drop an idea in my lap. _^) I always give credit for ideas I use, and speaking of which I have to give special thanks to Mora D Tenshii, Miyu Hinamori ,DarkPearl (anonymous), and SolarTempus for helping me with names and ideas!_


	4. Chapter 4: Namizo Intro

_Author's Note: The opening scene is dedicated to and credited to _Mora D Tenshii,_ whose idea sparked my inspiration for the opening Namizo scene! Also special thanks to _nomsujet _for being an INCREDIBLE help with story ideas and character design/backstory, on top of agreeing to be my beta for this story!_

_Chapter beta read by nomsujet. _

* * *

><p>"M-ma'am, I really can't thank you enough… I thought I was going to die," began a timid young orange-haired man, probably in his middle-teens. He was incredibly handsome, even beautiful, in a cat-like almost genderless way. His huge eyes, surrounded by long, thick eyelashes, stared up imploringly at the large, imposing female pirate captain as she helped him out of his dreadfully rickety little dinghy and onto her luxurious mid-size pirate ship.<p>

The young man swallowed and hugged his once-designer now-threadbare jacket closer around himself, unknowingly revealing how very slim he was. How high his waist, how long his legs, yet with shoulders and chest just broad enough to demand female attention… The kid could easily be a model. The imposing female pirate actually licked her lips, her eyes greedily swiping up and down the teenager.

"I… I really don't know how to repay you," continued the man, taking the woman's hands and dropping to his knees before her, half out of supplication, half out of exhaustion. "I haven't… I haven't eaten or had any drink in nearly two weeks… I'll do anything…"

The captain's eyes actually softened, even as she set a possessive hand on the beautiful boy's shoulders. "Now, now, child. Let's get some food and drink into you first. What's your name, deary?"

"M-me?" The young man's eyes turned towards the ground humbly. No one could see, but a flicker of a smile whipped over his lips and a brilliantly intelligent spark danced in his eyes. He continued his act flawlessly. "N-Namizo. My name's Namizo."

By the end of the day, unsure what had happened, the pirate captain and her crew found themselves deserted on an island, their ship and the mysterious young man long gone, the wailing of a sudden tropical storm roaring against the flimsy walls of their hastily constructed shelter.

Off in the distance, in perfectly clear waters, the young man, now looking supremely confident and mocking with not the slightest trace of modesty, grinned as he watched the huge dark mass of clouds thundering and pouring rain and lightning over the small island. Serve them right. Pirates were evil. They all deserved to die, the quicker the better. To think that disgusting woman had openly bragged about how many people she'd killed, villages she'd razed, had so foolishly showed off her treasure horde to this admiring, honest, attractive, quiet young man…

_A storm's coming, ma'am! Please, you must get to land!_

He chuckled and, eyes sparkling in mischief, turned toward the helm, happily leaving the pirates to whatever fate had to throw at them. Honestly, what idiots actually thought land was safer than the open sea in a squall?

"Ship should get about 60,000 berries, treasures about 1 million, miscellaneous clothing and possessions another 5,000…" he half-sang to himself, smirking and calculating his haul in his head. "And then on to my next victim…" He grinned, his eyes narrowing.

_Buggy the Clown. Owner of treasures totaling at least 3 million berries. And a map. A map to the Grand Line, home of the richest pirates in all the seas. _

"I'll have the deed to our village within a year," whispered the pirate thief to himself. "Just wait, Nojiko! Just a little more!" His hands tightened on the helm of the ship. "88,565,492 berries plus at least 1,065,000 leaves me only 10,369,508 berries to go. I can do this. I've come so far. I can do this."

* * *

><p><em>I can't do this! I can't do this!<em> screamed Namizo in his head. He would've been screaming aloud, but his lungs were so tight he was pretty sure they were in danger of imploding. His rapid gasps and sobs for air did nothing to help them. Behind him came the pounding of feet and roaring of enraged pirates. Huge, strong pirates, used to killing people like flies, gutting them like fish. How had he been spotted? He couldn't believe it. Of all the massive slip-ups to make. To think he'd been spotted because he couldn't tear himself away from ogling Buggy's absolutely beautiful horde of treasure.

"We're gonna kill you, brat!" roared a pirate behind him.

"Give up!"

"Drop the map!"

"You'll never escape!"

There HAD to be some way! Namizo had _never_ been caught, and he wanted to keep it that way. Of course, he'd been chased before… But never by half a dozen huge pirates wielding swords and knives right on his tail. They were catching up with every gasp for air that just refused to ease the thief's burning lungs. All his options - diving into a house, climbing onto a roof, scaling a wall, slipping into a basement or pipeline... none would work. He'd be caught within seconds. Smashed to the ground. Pounded, sliced, torn apart, obliterated. Killed.

And then he found himself cornered. Three walls hemmed him in, all too tall and flat to scale, none with windows or doors.

For the second time in his pathetic life, Namizo dropped to his knees and begged chance, fate, god, whatever and whoever for a miracle.

For the first time in his life, his wish was answered.

It came in the form of a teenage girl plummeting out of the sky. She ploughed into the six men, knocking them all off their feet and rendering half of them unconscious and probably with brain damage.

"Stupid bird!" shouted the girl, springing upright with no sign that she'd plummeted out of the sky from who knows how many tens or even hundreds of feet. "You were supposed to be dinner!" she screamed at something far off in the sky.

The girl was kind of cute, if you liked the weird ones. Choppy dark hair, huge, unusual eyes, and a cute figure wrapped in rolled up jeans and a tight red vest. Flimsy sandals adorned her feet, and as Namizo watched, not quite believing his eyes, she reached down to pick a straw hat off the ground. The girl affectionately gazed at the hat before dusting it off and plopping it on her head.

"Whoa!" she yelped, turning and seeing the downed pirates. "What happened to you guys?"

The still-conscious pirates' response wasn't very nice, and Luffy told them so. Naturally, this resulted in them scrambling for their weapons and charging for the teenage girl.

Namizo flinched, but allowed his eyes to dart around for an escape. He hated to abandon a girl, but it was her own fault for falling out of the sky, and he was NOT going to do anything that would turn the pirates attention back to him…

Of course, he needn't have bothered debating the morality of his decision. The girl threw one punch. One punch that blasted through the pirate in front, slamming him into the guy behind him, and the guy behind him, and then all three crashed into the wall. All collapsed, unconscious on impact. They would not be getting up anytime soon.

Namizo quickly recovered, closed his mouth, and turned to look at the girl again – this time with sparkling, admiring eyes.

"I could use a girl like you," he said, his voice full of wonder and trembling with excitement. "How about we join up?"

The girl frowned and flexed the fist she'd slammed into the pirates, then stretched. "Nah," she said, sounding bored. She turned and started walking away.

Namizo quickly hurried after her.

"Come on! We could make a ton of berries!"

"Are berries so important?"

"I need 100 million berries, and I'm willing to do whatever I need to get there as fast as possible."

"Why?"

"Gonna buy a village."

"Why?"

"That's personal. But it's important to me."

"Is the village your treasure?"

"Not really. Treasure is treasure."

"Is buying the village your dream?"

"Goal, yes. Dream? No."

The weird girl sighed. "How boring. I don't want to have a boring person for a nakama."

"Ah, come on! Boring? I'm a thief! A darn good one! What do you want? I'm sure I can help out!"

"Are you a musician?"

"Huh? No. But I can navigate…?"

The girl's eyes suddenly transformed into sparkling pools as she spun around and grabbed Namizo's hand. "Alright! We need a navigator! What's your name?"

"Namizo, the pirate thief." He announced happily, proud that he once again got his way. With a tough girl like this to do any and all fighting, he could focus on stealing!

"I'm Luffy, soon to be the Pirate King."

Namizo's smile of relief and anticipation vanished. His eyes narrowed and he yanked his hand from the weird girl's. "I hate pirates. Forget I said anything." Forget how stupid it was that a girl wanted to be a pirate _king_, he wanted nothing to do with anyone who claimed to be a _pirate_!

Luffy didn't seem to hear Namizo. He stormed off, but she continued right on next to him, easily matching pace. "Say, why is this place so empty?"

The handsome young thief glared at her, but decided as long as she didn't do anything pirate-like around him, and didn't force him to join her blasted pirate crew, then he'd tolerate her presence a bit longer.

"Captain Buggy the Clown. One of the nastiest pirates in the East Blue, and one who's eaten a Devil's Fruit. Him and his cronies are holed up in the tavern near the port. All the townspeople fled."

As if to verify his words, there suddenly came a loud whoosh sound and a burst of flame shot in the air. A store only a few buildings away from where they stood had lit up as quickly and efficiently as a bonfire. A heartbreaking howl broke through the air, coming from a small white dog sitting in front of the building.

The dog was actually crying, sobbing out its pain as it howled its misery for the world to hear.

Namizo's fists tightened, immediately recognizing the handiwork of pirates. When would they all drop dead so the world could have some peace?

Luffy trotted up to the dog and plopped cross-legged onto the ground beside the dog. She watched the dog for a long moment. The dog was covered in wounds, some open and still raw and bleeding. The fight had been not even a few minutes ago, probably about the time she was falling out of the sky. She turned her head to the store, seeing the flaming words "Pet Food and Supplies" on a sign that would crash to the ground any second.

"Your treasure, huh."

The dog's howl was interrupted with a pained whine and yelp before it continued.

Luffy reached over and patted the dog's head. "I bet you put up a great fight. I would've liked to see it," she said seriously, standing up. She started down the road.

"Where are you going?" asked Namizo in surprise, not understanding what had gotten into the weird girl.

"Gotta beat the crap out of this Buggy guy," answered Luffy casually, but her eyes were cold and angry. "Teach him not to mess with people's treasures."

"It's just a dog!" exclaimed the thief.

Luffy didn't answer. Her eyes didn't glance from her chosen path. Her gaze didn't waver. A man riding a lion came around a corner, carrying a bag of dog food. The girl who said she'd be Pirate King didn't even glance at him as she grabbed the lion by the neck and pile-drove it into the road. Both the lion and it's rider were knocked unconscious.

And the girl continued onwards, straight toward the tavern at the end of town.

Unsure why, Namizo followed. "It's just a dog…" he mumbled to himself. He glanced at the unconscious lion, then back across town where the flames of the dog's store were still licking the sky.

As they approached the tavern they heard the sounds of clashing swords. As they rounded the last corner, they were faced with a view of an acrobat, with a sword, on a unicycle, fighting a swordsman. The swordsman was rather on the slim side with a green haramaki and a black bandanna…

That wasn't a man! Namizo's eyes almost bulged in shock and he stepped backwards to hide in the shadows, recognizing the infamous bounty hunter and manslayer, Roronoa Zora. The green-haired and freakishly powerful woman who wielded three swords and made a habit of chopping any swordsman to cross her path to pieces.

Was she after him? Namizo shivered and pressed closer to the wall. No, no… There shouldn't be a bounty out on him. He'd been careful, so very careful… And Roronoa was fighting Cabaji the Acrobat, the second mate of Captain Buggy's crew. Logically, that meant Roronoa was after Buggy's head. But didn't she only go after swordsmen? Well, Buggy used knives, so maybe that was close enough?

"Zora!" cried out Luffy excitedly, waving a hand in the air for attention. The swordswoman didn't notice, being too intent on her battle.

"You know her?" squeaked Namizo, before catching himself and clearing his throat, trying to regain his masculine image.

"That's my first-mate! She's going to be the world's best swordsman!"

Namizo stopped listening after "first-mate." How the heck did this scrawny nobody of a pirate queen wannabe get _Roronoa Zora_ to join a pirate crew?

She must be lying.

With that conclusion, Namizo chuckled and glanced at the little liar out of the corner of his flirtatious eyes. "I suppose you have a huge ship and well over a thousand of the finest pirates the seas have ever seen? Oh, and your bounty must clearly be in the hundred millions, right?"

Luffy looked at Namizo, completely missing his sarcasm. She frowned, explaining herself very carefully to her new navigator. "No. Our boat's kinda small, and it's just me, Zora, and you. And I don't have a bounty yet – we'll have to wait a while for that."

"You still insist Zora is your first-mate?" Namizo fought the urge to roll his eyes. Then he realized. "Hey – did you just include me as part of your crew?"

"Yep!" said Luffy, who started cheering as Zora finally cut the acrobat down. The acrobat collapsed to the ground and Zora took off her bandanna and wiped her forehead with it.

Before Namizo could further protest, Luffy shouted towards the terrifying swordswoman.

"Zora!" she called out, running forwards. She'd grabbed Namizo's arm and half-dragged him along. "This is our new navigator!"

"Where the heck you been?" screamed Zora, furious. "First you get yourself kidnapped by a BIRD, then it drops you somewhere over this town, then I have to get directions from a bunch of idiots who start attacking me, and NOW you've got us a navigator?"

"Yep!"

Namizo was frozen in shock. It was true? Roronoa knew this girl? Was this weird girl's crewmate? Was a… had become a _pirate_?

Zora took a deep breath, looked heavenward for a second, then shrugged. She tied her bandanna around her arm. "Well, we do need a navi…"

She was interrupted by a sickening splurch sound.

Zora froze for a moment, face a picture of pained shock, then her legs gave out and she slumped forwards, revealing a knife, still attached to a disembodied hand, buried deep in her left side. Luffy had caught her and stared in stunned silence at the hand.

Namizo had to cover his mouth to keep himself from throwing up, especially when that gloved hand ripped itself out of Roronoa's body and blood began to pour out. The hand zipped towards the tavern's roof, on which stood the figures of Captain Buggy and the remainder of his crew.

Of course. Captain Buggy's infamous Chop Chop Devil's Fruit powers.

"This is what happens when you become a pirate!" screamed Namizo uncontrollably, tears suddenly pouring down his face. He was trembling and pale white in horror.

"Shut up, idiot. I'm fine," grunted Zora, pulling herself upright.

"FINE? You're losing pints of blood by the second!" screamed Namizo. "You'll be dead in…"

"SHUT UP!" screamed Zora. "Giving me a headache. And it didn't hit any vitals." She wrapped up her bandanna and shoved in between her haramaki and her wound, then pressed down on it professionally. She was sweating and gritting her teeth, but amazingly her eyes were clear, even as she leaned against a low wall for support.

"Do you need to rest?" asked Luffy, frowning.

"Hnnh, kinda sleepy," grumbled the swordswoman.

"You already won your fight," said Luffy, glancing at Cabaji, then further towards the port. There was a veritable trail of unconscious pirates bodies between the tavern and the small boat Zora and her had been given in that marine town. The bodies were undoubtedly the work of a certain infamous ex-bounty hunter. She must have taken out over three quarters of Buggy's crew.

"I got this one. Go ahead and sleep."

"Okay, captain. That was a cheap shot, so beat the crap outta him. Okay?"

"Was planning on it! Get some sleep, Zora."

"Aye aye, cap'n." Amazingly, the green-haired girl leaned back and, instead of falling into an unconscious coma, as Namizo had been expecting, she began snoring. Loudly and obnoxiously, drool leaking from her mouth and everything.

Certainly didn't look like she was gonna die any time soon.

"What kinda monster…" began Namizo.

Then Luffy's arms stretched out hundreds of feet, latching on to the roof-top edge of the tavern. As Namizo watched, completely shocked, the arms quickly retracted with a sort of 'boing' sound and suddenly Luffy was flying through the air towards the rooftop and the rest of the pirates.

Namizo's legs gave out and he collapsed to the ground.

"Monsters…" he mumbled, then frowned and shook his head. "No, no, think straight. Devil Fruit user. That's how the girl survived the fall earlier." He took several deep breaths, glanced at the map still clenched in his hand, and quickly shoved it into an inside pocket of his coat.

All sorts of banging and crashing came from the sounds of Luffy fighting Buggy on the roof, along with all sorts of shouts and even canon-fire. Several buildings alongside the tavern collapsed – from what, Namizo wasn't sure. After a few minutes of discovering what destruction sounded like, Namizo had recovered enough to climb to his feet.

"Where you going, navigator?" asked Zora, sounding sleepy and puzzled. She'd woken up to the rustling of the navigator's movements, though she'd slept fine through the incredible sounds of Luffy's fight. "The captain's got this one."

"I'm not your navigator!" hissed Namizo angrily, dusting off his pants. He finished cleaning himself off and started towards the tavern. "I'm a pirate thief! And I _hate_ pirates!"

"Where you going?"

"Getting the treasure while the idiot pirates are busy."

"Huh. Good idea," grunted the swordswoman. "I'll be sleeping here until it's time to go." And within seconds of that statement she was again snoring.

Namizo shook his head in wonderment, almost laughing at the weird swordswoman. He caught himself and killed the smile. "No, no. They're pirates," he whispered to himself.

The pirate thief made his way to an alley, then snuck into the tavern through a window into the basement. The basement full of beautiful, beautiful treasure that he'd been nearly captured for dawdling too long in front of.

The thief slunk catlike towards the door to press his ear to it, making sure he was alone. It was dead silent. Undoubtedly all Buggy's pirates were watching the epic showdown between the monster gummy woman and their split apart captain. He let out a sigh of relief and ran over to the treasure, pulling a couple of large bags from another inside pocket. He quickly loaded up all the treasure, all ten million beautiful berries worth. He'd known Buggy was known for high quality treasure, and a lot of it, but he never _dreamed_ of the likes of this!

His hands trembled as he rushed, desperate to finish up and escape. Ten _million _berries. He'd gotten a sweet deal on the last haul, so counting these he only needed about 350,000 berries more before he could buy his village from Arlong. Over 99 and a half million berries, he almost passed out at the very thought of it… So very, very close! He could buy his village and say goodbye and good riddance to cursed pirates once and for all! Cursed pirates who only knew how to murder and plunder and injure and blackmail and cheat and lie and…

_And get revenge for a little dog's treasure?_

He shook that stupid thought from his head. Luffy was just an idiot. She wasn't even a real pirate. Yes, that was it. She wasn't a pirate. She didn't have a bounty on her, and one bounty hunter certainly didn't count as a crew.

That was why it was okay to like Luffy. It was okay to smile at Zora.

His hands clenched around the two bags of treasure and he chewed his lips in indecision.

What was there to decide? He had a small sailboat in the harbor. All he had to do was get the treasure there, hop in, and sail off. He had the map to the Grand Line, which he didn't really need anymore, so he could sell it… maybe for the last 350,000 berries…

_If Luffy wants to be Pirate King, she needs to get to the Grand Line. Luffy needs this map…_

Namizo growled and smacked his own head. What was that? Who cares if some dipstick pirate wannabe wants to be Pirate King?

_I care._

_No I don't! I don't I don't I don't! I hate pirates!_

_I've never met a pirate like Luffy. Or Zora._

_They are NOT pirates!_

_They look like fun._

_No they don't!_

_I bet I could make a lot of money if I hung around them…._

_… Okay, maybe._

Namizo frowned, then nodded. He hefted the bags over his shoulders and started up the stairs out of the basement. Why not? They obviously didn't murder townspeople or raze villages. He could ditch them later, and they needed a navigator, and they were both undeniably strong and could handle all the fighting so Namizo could focus on the berries…

He made it out of the basement and realized the sounds of the fight were no longer coming from the roof of the tavern, but from outside. Somehow the fight had moved to solid ground…

And it looked like Luffy was losing.

The weird looking girl got a few punches and kicks in, but any serious attack would be avoided by Captain Buggy splitting apart his body where Luffy had been aiming.

_No. _

Namizo stared, not sure why he couldn't tear his eyes from the weird girl in the straw hat. The girl sweating and stretching and kicking and punching, all with a terrifyingly serious look on her face.

_For the dog, who lost his treasure. For Zora, who was stabbed from behind._

_I don't want her to lose_.

Not giving himself time to think about that very strange realization, he quickly hid the bags of treasure. He pulled out what looked like three sticks from where they'd been strapped to his thigh, but when he snapped the sticks together they formed a pole staff. It wasn't much, but he was experienced enough to hold off two or three average pirates with it. And, using it, he didn't have to sink to the level of those murderers.

He snuck forward, taking out the last few standing of Buggy's pirate crew with cheap blows from behind. None of them saw it coming.

Buggy did some Chop Chop Festival or something, where he split apart into dozens of small parts, all flying in different directions. Luffy rather intelligently went for Buggy's still grounded feet, and Namizo got an idea.

While Buggy was distracted with Luffy, Namizo snatched up all the nearby body parts he could reach, quickly tying them together in a large bundle, bound with a knot filled with years' worth of experience keeping treasures secure.

When Buggy tried to reassemble, he ended up looking like some sort of midget, since Namizo had captured most of his arms, legs, and about half of his torso.

Luffy started laughing her head off, and casually knocked Buggy out with something that sounded like a "Gum Gum Bazooka", which blew Buggy far off into the horizon.

"That's my navigator!" cheered Luffy. "I knew you were a good choice!"

Namizo laughed without meaning to. A full, honest laugh like he hadn't had in nearly ten years.

"Ready to go?" asked Luffy happily.

The thief retrieved the two bags of treasure and tossed one to Luffy.

"You carry one. They're heavy," he said casually, unable and unwilling to lose the huge smile covering his face.

Luffy cheered and woke Zora up just as dozens of townspeople, led by an old man who looked like he had a poodle on his head, charged towards them waving pitchforks and various other farm-implement type weapons.

Luffy, being the idiot she was, cheerfully waved and introduced herself as the future Pirate King. They were subsequently, and literally, run out of town.

They set sail with no more questions of whether or not Namizo would join them. Namizo didn't even look for his boat, cheerfully jumping up into the larger boat with Luffy and Zora and helping them ready for sail.

It wasn't until they were nearly out of sight of the screaming villagers when Namizo realized something very important was missing.

"LUFFY! Where's my treasure?"

"Oh, I left it behind."

"WHAT? THAT WAS MINE!" screamed the orange-haired thief, gripping his new captain in a stranglehold.

"It will take a lot of money to rebuild the town!" cried out Luffy in explanation as she was shaken back and forth by her new navigator.

"FIVE MILLION BERRIES! I'll tell you now, you are going to make up for EVERY SINGLE BERRY! And I'm charging interest!"

* * *

><p><em>Author's Notes: Again, special thanks to my new beta <span>nomsujet<span>! Next chapter will be a bit of a break from the usual, with my first completely original chapter! In which Luffy... well, I'll just keep this a secret! The chapter after next will be Usopp's intro. I'll go ahead and drop a spoiler here: I am LISTENING to my wonderful readers and have thus decided to gender-bend a few choice characters besides the main Strawhat crew! Thus, in Usopp's chapter, we will also be meeting the beautiful, sickly, filthy rich young master, Kai. Feel free to send ideas on just how much to change, if anything, in Usopp/Kaya's relationship! (And everyone else with everyone else, for that matter!) Thanks to everyone for reading and please review!  
><em>


	5. Chapter 5: BONUS Luffy Jr

_Author's Notes: Thanks to my beta nomsujet for actually supporting me when I came up with the insane opening line to this chapter, where many others would probably tell me I'm crazy and to stop reading so much manga and fanfiction!_

_Beta-read by nomsujet._

* * *

><p>"Zora! Namizo! I had a baby last night!"<p>

The green-haired swordswoman, who'd been pumping iron, casually continued, not even dignifying her captain with an answer. "2,368… 2,369…"

The orange-haired thief gave the weird girl he now called captain an annoyed look and turned the page of the book he was reading. "Luffy, you do know only pregnant women can have babies?" he asked, trying not to think too deeply about how Luffy had reached such a strange conclusion.

"Yes!" replied Luffy, proving that she did know where babies came from. "Wow! I must have been pregnant!"

Or maybe not…

Namizo sighed deeply. "Luffy. I'm pretty sure you weren't pregnant."

"Then how did I have a baby? I must have been pregnant!"

The thief sighed again, then very formally placed a bookmark in the book, closed it, and set it aside. He sat up and turned to face his stupid captain, his hands folded neatly in his lap.

"Luffy… Do you know how women get pregnant?"

"Yes! They get pregnant from a man! Wow – it must be your kid too, Namizo!"

CLANG! Zora had dropped her barbells, retrieved her swords, and lunged towards the thief, who only just ducked aside and lifted the book in time to block the swords and keep his head attached.

"I didn't do anything!" cried out Namizo desperately to a fierce-eyed Zora.

"Don't kill my baby's father, Zora!" scolded Luffy. Zora slowly lowered her swords and backed off, though her eyes promised death to the one who dared touch her captain.

"I'm not your baby's father!" cried out Namizo. He then quickly shook his head at the stupidity of the situation. "You were never even pregnant! You don't have a kid!"

Luffy looked insulted. "Well, he's not Koby's!" she shouted back, upset. "I didn't have a baby after I left Koby!"

A tiny head peeked out from behind Luffy's.

Namizo's mouth dropped open as the toddler climbed down from where he'd been clinging to Luffy's back and ran over to Namizo with a happy squeal. The toddler threw his arms up and grabbed the shocked thief's leg, excitedly babbling.

"How cute!" squealed Luffy. "He recognizes his daddy!"

Zora nodded her head stiffly. "He is very cute, Luffy," she said properly. "What is his name?"

"Luffy Junior! After his mother!" said Luffy excitedly.

"A good name," replied Zora. "He'll grow to be a fine man."

"He has to be! He'll be the Pirate Prince! Hey, that makes Namizo Pirate Queen!"

"You're both idiots!" cried out Namizo. The toddler whimpered and Namizo quickly hushed him. The boy clung tighter, so with a sigh Namizo lifted him into his arms and lowered his voice.

"Luffy. This is not your kid."

Luffy frowned, and then nodded to herself. She opened her mouth, but Namizo quickly interrupted.

"It's not Zora's kid either. Or mine."

Their captain looked completely baffled.

"Luffy, this is not even a baby. This child is at least two years old."

"Then how did Luffy Junior get on our boat?"

Namizo wisely decided to ignore the name the child was apparently stuck with. At least it was better than Namizo Junior. It was more important to answer Luffy's for once valid question.

"He must've wandered on at the last town and been sleeping below deck the whole time."

Zora shook her head. "No. That was nearly a week ago, and there was no crying. And I would have noticed."

Namizo highly doubted the swordswoman, who spent the vast majority of her time sleeping and training, both to the exclusion of anything around her, had a realistic claim to that last statement. Though it was true that their ship was very small. How could they have missed a child? But they must have… "He must be a very quiet child."

"Blehya ma tatta! YA!" screamed the child happily, raising his hands in the air and screaming in Namizo's ear.

Zora and Luffy gave her identical "ha-ha-you're-wrong" smirks.

"He'd be starving too," said Zora knowledgably. "But Luffy Junior is just fine."

"Well, what's your big idea?" asked Namizo irritably, bouncing the toddler to try calm him.

"He's Luffy's/my baby," answered Zora and Luffy together, acting like they were being perfectly sensible.

Namizo felt the urge to murder them. But that would be very bad in front of a toddler. Instead he took a deep breath and readjusted the toddler so he was sitting in the thief's lap.

"Luffy. Zora. This child is too old to have been a baby born today or yesterday. Also, Luffy, it is impossible to get pregnant without sexual intercourse." He glanced at a suddenly murderous Zora. "Which we have NOT had," he quickly added.

"Sexu… what?"

"Did Namizo ever touch you in a way that made you uncomfortable?" asked Zora stiffly. "Your chest, for example?"

Luffy blushed, suddenly understanding what Namizo and Zora were talking about. Well, to some degree. "Oh! No, no. Ace told me never to let a boy touch me like that! I would've punched him out if he did something like that and sent him flying."

Zora glanced at Luffy, to Namizo, then back again. After a minute she nodded. "Fine," she told Namizo, finally accepting that their new navigator had not taken advantage of the captain. "You're off the hook. Don't do it again."

Namizo's expression clearly said he _hadn't done_ anything and wasn't interested either. But he kept his mouth shut. Mostly by grinding his teeth.

"Then how did Luffy Junior get on our boat?" asked Luffy again.

"No idea," grunted Zora. Namizo frowned, trying to come up with a solution.

"I see…" said Luffy, sounding wise. The other two looked at her in surprise.

"I had a mystery-baby."

This time Namizo actually played out a whole "how to kill my captain" scene in his head.

Thankfully, this time Luffy's stupidity was too much even for Zora, who smacked their captain upside the head.

"Hey! What was that for!" cried out Luffy.

"It's not your baby," said Zora.

"Yes it is!" cried out Luffy. "My mystery-baby!"

The toddler suddenly laughed in delight, babbled some more nonsense, raised its little hands in the air, and… Poof! Vanished!

To reappear happily hugging Luffy around the neck. The tot sighed happily and snuggled again the captain, who lifted her hands to support the child.

"See?" argued Luffy, with the air of having won an argument. "A mystery-baby!"

"No," said Namizo, frowning and leaning back in his chair. "A very young Devil's Fruit user. The baby has the ability of teleportation. He teleported himself accidentally onto our boat."

"Then Luffy Junior could be from anywhere," added Zora thoughtfully.

Namizo wanted to scream "STOP CALLING IT LUFFY JUNIOR!" but of course that would just prompt a discussion on what TO name the baby, so he settled with rubbing his temples to try ease the migraine starting up.

"Well, we have to find his parents… and he shouldn't be from too far away. There's a limit to Devil's Fruit powers, right? Luffy? LUFFY!"

Luffy was throwing the baby in the air. Literally, as in over thirty feet up. She'd wait until the baby had started to fall, screaming in delight, and then she'd stretch out her hands and catch the baby on his way down. Way down, as in not even five feet from crashing into the mast, the deck, or the sea.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?" screamed Namizo, launching himself forward and snatching the toddler from a surprised Luffy. He hugged the surprised child to his chest protectively, feeling cold sweat drip down his face and his heart pounding as if he again had Buggy's pirates on his tail.

"He likes it," explained Luffy, wide-eyed at Namizo's reaction but already reaching out to take the little boy back.

Namizo twisted out of Luffy's reach. "Absolutely not! You'll kill it before we get anywhere near land! Zora, you…" he trailed off, noticing that the swordswoman had once again fallen asleep, her arms behind her head and stretching out like a drunk man against the boat's edge.

He had a sudden picture in his head of Zora sleeping right through the baby crawling to the edge of the boat and jumping overboard. Not noticing the toddler's dying screams as the babe swallowed water and was dragged to the bottom of the ocean… The baby might not even get to scream, actually, since it was a Devil's Fruit user. It'd freeze up and sink…

"I'll watch him," concluded Namizo, though he chewed his lip as he realized that, being the only one on the boat able to READ maps, let alone chart a course, he would have to be the one to figure out where to head next to search for the parents.

"But I want to play with him…" whined Luffy, reaching out her hands in the exact same way she'd begged for second helpings at dinner yesterday.

"No!" barked Namizo. "Luffy Junior's not a toy!" His migraine doubled when he realized he'd actually called the baby that hideous name… He shook his head and started towards the small door leading below-deck. He needed to figure out which islands were closest, the sooner the better.

"I'll be careful!" begged Luffy, putting on her best puppy-dog face. Which Namizo completely ignored. "Pleeeeeeeease?"

"No," grumbled their navigator, fumbling with his free hand for the heavy door that usually took two hands to open.

Luffy trotted over and opened the door, sticking right on Namizo's tail as they entered the small room below-deck. There were a couple hammocks and a bedroll against one wall and a large, anchored down table in the centre covered in Namizo's maps. Luffy was making faces at the baby, who giggled in absolute delight and clapped his hands.

Namizo tried to examine the maps, which proved impossible with the baby squirming around. He set the baby on the table next to him, but Luffy Junior scrambled to the edge towards Luffy. The orange-haired thief set a hand on the child's leg to keep him from jumping into Luffy's arms, but the baby again vanished to reappear, once again, happily clinging to the captain's neck.

"Please?" begged Luffy, hugging the child tight. In Namizo's eyes, she looked like a little girl begging for a stuffed animal.

The navigator chewed his lips, and then sighed in defeat. "Stay in here where I can see you, sit on the ground, and no throwing!"

"Yay!" squealed Luffy, hugging the baby and spinning around. Spinning fast enough for Namizo to get a visual of the baby getting flung out of her arms and crashing into a wall… His heart froze, but Luffy finished spinning and dropped to the ground, setting the baby in front of him and beginning to play pat a cake.

Namizo took a shaky breath, then forced his gaze away to unfold the map in front of him and carefully trace out their route, locating where they were, and analyzing which islands the baby was most likely from. Normally, a job like this would only take about three minutes, but Luffy and the baby were extremely distracting (if only because Namizo kept having disturbing visions of Luffy accidentally killing the kid) so it took closer to seven.

When he finished and turned to again check on Luffy and the kid, the kid was sucking on something.

"What…?"

"Jerky!" exclaimed Luffy. "He likes his meat just like his mommy!"

Namizo rushed over, but realized the child was truly only sucking and not chewing off pieces or swallowing. He gently took the jerky from the baby and set it aside (where it was snatched up and swallowed seemingly whole by Luffy, heedless of baby-germs and drool).

The orange-haired navigator lifted the baby into his arms and started back to the deck, Luffy just behind him. He casually kicked Zora's shoulder. She woke up with a grumble and a couple curses that should be nowhere in a woman's vocabulary.

"Figured out where the baby's probably from," said Namizo, heading back towards the rudder. "Take the sail. Luffy, help Zora."

The navigator professionally barked out orders while he steered them around. Once they were headed in the right direction, he explained himself.

"I figure the time the child appeared was probably after Zora and I woke up, but obviously while Luffy was still sleeping below-decks. The baby…"

"Luffy Junior," corrected Zora.

Namizo rolled his eyes. "_Luffy Junior_ is probably from the Gecko Islands, specifically the ocean-side Syrup Village or one very close. It looks like he has to see where he's teleporting before he makes his jump or whatever, and he's too young to be able to teleport that far. That's the only island that we passed in that timeslot where anyone would've been able to see us from land."

He glanced towards Luffy, a smirk on his face. "So not a mystery any more, eh Luffy?"

Luffy frowned, pondering deeply her answer to the rhetorical question. Apparently she still reached the conclusion that Luffy Junior was her mystery-baby, so Namizo cut her off.

"We'll get there in about an hour."

* * *

><p><em>Author's notes: As promised, next chapter is Usopp's intro, plus our meeting with her dear friend Kai. Oh, and this is up to a vote if enough people have opinions on it: who wants to Usopp to wear a skirt as part of her outfit? She'd wear pants underneath, and I'm willing to allow it since she's a marksman and not a hand-to-hand fighter. To those who doubt a girl Usopp is cute, try googling it. ;) Speaking of which, I'm floored how many gender-bender sketches there are out there! Haven't seen many cute guy Nami's and hunky guy Robin's, but a LOT of beautiful girl-versions of the others! Though I admit to being puzzled seeing girl-Zoro with long hair and girl-Sanji in a miniskirt…<em>


	6. Chapter 6: Usopp Intro

_Author's Notes: Thanks to Miyu Hinamori for helping me out with character outfits/personalities and giving me some feedback on changing Kaya into Kai. Credit to nomsujet for the original idea of putting Usopp in a skirt. _

_Beta-read by nomsujet._

* * *

><p>"Mommy! Mommy! The pirates are coming! The pirates are coming!" A small little girl with a long nose and shoulder-length black hair in tight curls shook her ailing mother awake. "Daddy's coming home, mommy! You gotta stay okay until daddy gets home!"<p>

"Yes, Usopp," said the sickly woman patiently, if a little wearily from being jostled awake by the eager five year old. "Daddy will be home soon. Don't you worry…"

"I'm going to be just like Daddy when I grow up, mommy!"

"Good girl," said the woman weakly, barely able to pay attention to the child's chattering. She weakly patted her child's head, fighting back the sob trapped in her throat at seeing the strange, overeager light in her daughter's eyes. The shine of unspilt tears and self-deception. "You do that. Be a strong warrior of the sea, just like your daddy. Go play now, okay?"

"You'll be alright, mommy, right?"

The little girl knew her mother was dying. And knowing her daughter knew, knew that she would be left all alone, was harder than the disease on the young mother.

"Of course, Usopp."

The little girl ran out, though her mother knew it was not to go play. It was to get the village doctor.

Tears ran down the sickly woman's face as she stared at the swinging door.

"Be strong, Usopp. Be strong."

* * *

><p>"Man, where's that Apple?" whispered a now teenage Usopp, on her hands and knees as she crawled around under the bushes of the forest just outside their village. She looked around, chewing on her bottom lip.<p>

After a few more minutes, she shook her head in aggravation and stood up, dusting off her outfit. She wore a coverall skirt over a t-shirt and pants, topped off by a sash about her waist and a scarf over her head – the perfect outfit to look cute and imposing at the same time! Or so she told her 'pirate crew'. The real reason was that, living alone, she couldn't afford to buy clothes, and so had to make do with stitching together scraps. She did have the presence of mind to make her clothes extremely thick, so that they lasted a long time, and somewhat versatile, since she didn't have any others to change into.

"Onion! Carrot! Pepper!" she called out loudly, in the commanding voice of a child ordering other children around. "Report!"

Three much-younger village boys jumped to their feet from where they'd been searching. Strangely, the names actually matched their hairstyles – Carrot being a redhead who wore his spiky hair in a short ponytail on top of his head, Onion a brownish-blond with his hair scraped to the sides with a tiny tuft on top, and Pepper… who looked like a pepper.

"Nothing doing, Cap'n Usopp!" shouted Pepper, saluting.

"Apple's nowhere to be seen!" seconded Carrot, also saluting.

Onion had been saluting when he stood up, but something distracted him and he ran off towards the cliff's edge. The others ignored him. He was always running off, only to come back screaming…

"We're so dead…" groaned Usopp. "We're supposed to have him home in an hour! Where is that little squirt?"

"PIRATES!" screamed Onion, charging back from the cliff side, tears pouring from his eyes and hyperventilating from the looks of it.

"Hey – false alarms are my job!" lectured Usopp, snatching Onion up by the back of his shirt as he tried to tear past them and back to the village. "And we know pirates don't actually come around here."

"Three guys! On a ship! THEY'VE GOT APPLE!" screamed Onion, and he broke into sobs.

"Usopp's Pirate Crew! Attention!" called out Usopp, her face stern, though from the overconfident look in her eyes she clearly wasn't taking Onion all that seriously. "Scouting mission 3,468B! To the cliff side!"

Dragging a whimpering Onion along, Usopp marched off. Carrot and Onion dashed after their 'fearless leader'.

When they reached the cliff side, they dropped to their stomachs and wiggled to the edge to peek over.

"Those aren't pirates," scoffed Pepper. "I mean – two are _girls_."

Usopp smacked his head.

"Not that there's anything wrong with girls…" he quickly amended.

"That guy looks kinda tough," whispered Carrot. "And he's the one holding Apple!"

Personally, Usopp thought the green-haired girl looked _way _scarier than the orange-haired guy, but try telling that to any boy under twelve. After a minute's observation, she secretly reached the conclusion that these guys were just sailors and harmless. They were probably just bringing Apple home after he teleported somewhere. Which made this the perfect chance to play the brave pirate captain and 'rescue' their youngest crewmate!

"Stay down, crew," she whispered, pulling her trusty slingshot from where it'd been stuffed in the sash around her waist and standing up. She folded her arms over her chest, slingshot in hand, and looked down on the threesome with a sharp look in her eyes (or so she thought). The three younger boys stared up at her in awe.

"I am the dreaded pirate, Captain Usopp!" she called out. "I captain over ten thousand men! And I demand you release our youngest crewmember immediately!"

The three, four if you counted Apple, turned to stare up at Usopp.

"Ten-thousand?" gasped the dark-haired girl in the red vest and straw hat.

"Whatever," grumbled the green-haired woman, though she shifted a hand to rest on her sword's hilt.

"Liar," accused the orange-haired man mockingly. He hugged the giggling child to his chest and stuck his tongue out at the curly-haired girl up on the cliff.

"He knows!" cried out Usopp. "Run, men! Run!" Three young boys suddenly leapt to their feet around her and took off, all screaming.

"See?" laughed the young man. "Seriously, though, you know this kid?"

Usopp laughed at the sounds of the stupid boys running off, and quickly climbed down the cliff. She called out her response as she made her way down. "Yep, that's Apple. He's from our village. I was supposed to be watching him."

Apple giggled and clapped his hands eagerly. Usopp reached the bottom and approached, holding out her arms. Apple disappeared from the man's arms to reappear clinging to Usopp's neck.

"Apple?" questioned the young man, raising an eyebrow. "And I thought Luffy Junior was a bad name…"

Usopp smiled awkwardly, shrugging. "It's kind of a fad in our village. Don't think about it too much." She lifted the child so he sat on her shoulders, clinging to the goggles on top of the scarf keeping Usopp's curly hair under control.

"Thank you guys _so _much. I would've been run out of town if I lost Apple!" Suddenly she chuckled. "Not that they don't already try to run me out of town," she whispered softly, giggling to herself.

The weird dark-haired girl was staring at Apple with a look of disappointment on her face.

"Look, can we go already?" asked the swordswoman impatiently.

"Why don't you guys stick around a bit? I'll treat you guys to lunch at the village restaurant. They have the best..."

"Booze?" asked the swordswoman, suddenly interested.

"Meat?" asked the girl in the straw hat at the same time, all thoughts of little Apple gone.

Usopp was taken aback. "Um, not what I was gonna say, but yeah."

The two girls turned their eyes towards the young man for permission. He waved a hand, looking annoyed.

"Why not? It's not like we've got a schedule to keep. Lead the way, Usopp."

"How do you know my name?" gasped Usopp, taking a wary step back.

"You told us?" replied the orange-haired man, looking annoyed.

"Oh! Oh, yes! And no prob – I'll lead the way."

* * *

><p>"You guys really are pirates?" asked Usopp excitedly. "Can I join? I can be the captain!"<p>

"I'm the captain!" interrupted Luffy stubbornly. "I'm the one who's gonna be the Pirate King, so I'm the captain!"

Namizo shoved Luffy's hand aside as it crept towards his food. At this rate, he was going to seriously start losing weight. "Seriously, Usopp – is there anywhere around here we can get a new ship? We were planning on checking out what's available in the next port town, but while we're here…"

"Well, Kai might be able to get you one."

"Kai?"

"Yeah – he's my friend and Apple's big brother. Lives in a mansion on the outskirts of town. Nobody's richer… not that it helps much. It's sad."

"Sad?" asked Namizo, unable to link "riches" with "sad", unless, of course, the sadness has to do with losing those riches…

"He's sickly. Can't even walk very well. So he's trapped in the big ol' mansion with no one but a creepy butler and a handful of servants… well, at least he has Apple."

"Sounds like the good life to me," chuckled Namizo, taking a sip of his juice and stabbing Luffy's hand with a fork as it again dared approach his food. "How'd you get to be friends with a guy like that?"

"She tells lies!" piped up a young voice from the next booth over. A head peeked over the top of the bench, grinning, revealing Pepper.

"Captain Usopp tells the best lies!" seconded Carrot, his head popping up next to Pepper's. "Every morning she screams 'The pirates are coming!' and the whole town gets mad and chases her! It's great fun!"

Usopp buried her giggles in a sip of juice as she remembered that morning.

"That's… not very nice…" began Zora, frowning.

"Oh, it's very nice!" insisted Carrot.

"Very nice!" agreed Pepper. "She tells Master Kai all sorts of crazy lies, and it makes him laugh so he feels better!"

Namizo and Zora exchanged looks, both understanding that the kids were just talking about _stories_, not necessarily lies. Stories told to cheer up someone sick and bedridden.

"That is very nice," said Namizo, smiling gently. Usopp blushed and looked at her wrist, pretending she had a watch on it.

"Oops! Look at the time! I have to get Apple home!"

"We're done," said Namizo, standing up – and shoving his last bite of bread in his mouth as Luffy grumbled in disappointment. "Can we come with you? It's worth a shot to ask this Kai if he can help us out."

"Sure, no problem."

_And if he doesn't want to… I can always let it slip how we saved his little brother's life out at sea,_ thought Namizo cheerfully. Even if the rich brat didn't have any ships lying around, he surely would be obligated to give them at least a couple thousand berries…

* * *

><p>"Master Kai? I can't seem to locate young master Apple. Is there any chance…?" prompted Klahadore, the butler of Kai's household.<p>

"Usopp offered to play with him this morning. They should be back any minute," replied the attractive, if somewhat thin and pale, young Master Kai. He was sitting in an armchair, a blanket over his lap, reading a large book on medicine.

Klahadore's eyes narrowed in disapproval. "Master Kai! How could you let that girl run off with young master Apple? That village girl is nothing but an orphaned child of a…!

Kai slammed the book shut and glared at his butler, fire in his eyes. "Don't you dare finish that sentence! I told you that I would not tolerate any insults about Usopp's family! It's hard enough on her, living alone!"

Klahadore stood ramrod stiff, irritation clear in his posture. He adjusted his glasses with the heel of his hands before continuing. "Master, you know I am deeply concerned for your welfare since the passing of your parents. That… that… _girl_ is surely out to steal your fortune. Why else would she visit a sickly young man so often? Offer to babysit your younger brother?"

Kai's body stiffened rebelliously. "She's my _friend_," he began, the slightest tremble in his voice. "I…"

The butler sighed deeply when Kai's voice trailed off.

"Young master, you do not yet understand women. When the time comes, I will certainly help you find a suitable bride, a beautiful one from a good family, with a good reputation. Surely you cannot see Usopp as the patient mother of your children and a gentle, satisfied housewife? An orphan with a pirate heritage cannot possibly entertain guests and keep the household in order."

Kai's hands tightened on his book, though he looked down from Klahadore's gaze. As blind as he could be about anything Usopp-related, he knew she was not exactly 'mother and wife' material. "I am in love, Klahadore," he said shakily. "As I have told you. There is plenty of time for us before children, and I have no interest in anyone else."

_This would be _so _much easier if this brat was a girl!_ thought Klahadore angrily to himself. He was completely fed up with this filthy rich, upper class, I-know-best, follow-my-heart, little _brat_. But his eyes and face remained sympathetic, and even protective.

"I just don't want you to be hurt," the butler said earnestly, deliberately lowering his tone so it sounded comforting and almost fatherly.

"I-I know," said Kai softly, taking a deep breath. "But I won't give up on Usopp. Maybe… maybe she's not ready yet, but I'll wait as long as I need to."

"Very well, Master Kai. I will trust you to do what's right. I must go to town for a couple hours, but I should be back in plenty of time for supper."

"Thank you, Klahadore," said the sickly young master with a slight smile. "I do know you mean well, and I apologize for all the trouble I give you."

His butler, his and Apple's caretaker since their parents died, bowed and left the room.

* * *

><p>Usopp cheered quietly to herself as she spied Klahadore leaving through the servant's entrance as she approached the main door. She hushed the others until the butler was out of sight, and then rang the doorbell.<p>

"What was that about?" asked Namizo.

"That butler hates me. I swear he thinks I'm a gold-digger just 'cause I'm Kai's only friend. Jerk."

Apple frowned at the irritation in Usopp's voice and patted Usopp's head with his hands, as if trying to comfort her.

A smirk lifted the corner of Namizo's lips as his eyes scanned the enormous mansion. Honestly, it looked to Usopp as if he would be up for playing a gold-digger if it meant getting his hands on Kai's fortune – provided he could pull off pretending to be a woman for long enough before he grabbed the berries and ran…

It kinda scared Usopp that she'd known Namizo less than a couple hours, but she already could draw such weird conclusions. She was a chronic liar, granted, but she usually didn't pull such unfair snap judgments on people.

Of course, she had no idea at the time that Namizo really _didn't_ have a problem doing _anything_ for cash… absolutely including forcing Usopp to help him.

The door opened, revealing Merry, one of Kai's servants. A nice man in his late twenties who unfortunately rather looked like…

"A sheep!" cried out Luffy excitedly.

Merry laughed slightly in embarrassment and raised a hand to his strange hair. "Yes, I do get that reaction a lot. Good afternoon, Miss Usopp. Young master Apple. And if I may inquire as to your acquaintances?"

"Hi Merry," replied Usopp, handing Apple to the sheep-headed man. "This is Luffy, Namizo, and Zora. They're pirates. Can we talk to Kai?"

As if in answer, the sickly young master appeared behind Merry and gently pushed him aside to greet his guest. He was smiling excitedly and affectionately at Usopp, even as his breathing was a little heavy from exerting his weak body on his rush to the door.

"Good afternoon, Usopp," he said happily. He nodded politely to the others and took Apple from Merry. "Thank you very much for taking Apple out and bringing him home safely. And it is a pleasure to meet new friends."

"We want a ship!" shouted Luffy excitedly. The surprise made Kai start laughing, which quickly turned into a harsh coughing. Usopp hurried forward and helped Kai to a chair. Merry rushed off and returned with a glass of water.

"Are you okay?" asked Zora, frowning. Namizo darted a 'Of course he's not okay, idiot!' look at the swordswoman, but was ignored.

"I'm fine," protested Kai, gently gesturing that he was alright to Usopp and Merry. Apple hugged his big brother tightly, looking scared. Kai hugged him back.

"So you guys want a ship? Seriously?" asked Kai.

"Yep," said Namizo cockily. "And, if it helps our case any, we just happened to rescue your little brother out at sea." He winked. "Shouldn't let these Devil Fruit types out of your sight, you know."

Usopp blushed, but Kai didn't so much as glance her way in accusation.

"You have my deepest gratitude," said Kai politely, before turning to Usopp. "And I'm aware Apple has a tendency to run off, Usopp. Don't take it to heart. I'll be giving a certain someone a talking to later, is all." He reached down and ruffled an oblivious Apple's hair. The toddler sat happily in his big brother's lap.

"So… the ship?" prompted Luffy impatiently.

Kai looked over at Merry. "Actually, we may have just the thing. Is the Going Merry seaworthy, Merry?"

The fluffy white-haired man looked like he wanted to jump in joy. "Absolutely, Master Kai!"

"Can we take a look?" asked Namizo, eager though he was a bit wary at how easily this rich guy was giving in.

"Merry? If you would escort our friends?"

"Of course! It would be my utmost pleasure!"

* * *

><p>"That was way too easy," thought Namizo aloud as Merry led the group away from the town.<p>

"I designed the Going Merry personally," commented Merry happily, having overheard Namizo's suspicions. "And Master Kai funded its construction. But, in truth, it has been sitting in the same place for nearly five years. A real shame for such a beauty. You are actually doing us a great honor by finally taking her out!"

"What's more pitiful than a ship that has never sailed?" agreed Usopp. "Almost as sad as a pirate tied down to an island!"

Merry glanced over to the young woman and saw her staring longingly out at the sea just coming into view. Whether the girl was echoing her mother's sentiments about why their father left, or perhaps speaking of herself personally, he didn't know. Though he did know Master Kai would be quite upset if the girl ever left.

"Right over this cliff," said Merry, gesturing, then frowning as he heard voices. "Is that Klahadore?"

The butler's angry voice came drifting on the sea wind up the cliff to where the small group froze.

"Is the plan ready?"

"Of course, Captain Kuro!"

"NEVER call me that, idiot! I abandoned that name long ago! I ask again, is everything ready? You stupid lot remember the plan?"

"Yes, sir! The men are ready to raid the village tomorrow at daybreak, and a group of us will sneak off and kill those young brats in the mansion you live in!"

"AFTER you get the older brat to sign the will, you fool! That's the most important part! You hypnotize the brat into willing everything to his faithful butler Klahadore, THEN you kill everyone in the mansion!"

"Brilliant plan, of course, sir! Befitting the genius Captain Kuro of the Thousand Plans! If I may ask, where will 'Klahadore' be during the raid?"

"It appears this faithful butler will unfortunately be out of town tomorrow, retrieving supplies in a neighbouring town, completely oblivious to the unfortunate disaster."

"THAT'S BAD!" shouted a loud voice from the top of the cliff.

Four mouths, belonging to Merry, Usopp, Namizo, and Zoro, dropped open in shock and horror as they stared at Luffy, standing at the top of the cliff and glaring down at the 'butler' and the pirate below. Just behind the two was the pirate ship of the Black Cat pirates.

"How could she be so stupid?" grumbled Namizo, stepping forward to his captain's side while whipping out the three pieces to his staff and clicking them together.

Zora smirked. "Well, she gets things done. Rather quickly, as well." She unsheathed her swords, one to each hand, and slid the third in her mouth.

"It is WRONG to betray someone that trusts you!" shouted down Luffy. "Kai's a nice guy! He gave us a ship! We won't let you pass!"

"Y-y-y-Yeah!" stuttered Usopp, drawing her slingshot with shaking hands and stepping forward alongside the confident pirate captain in the straw hat. "K-Kai is my friend! I w-won't let you hurt him!" The trembling knees rather detracted from her pretend bravado.

"I h-have to tell the young Master!" whimpered Merry, turning tail and dashing off.

Klahadore, or rather Captain Kuro, glared at the group on top of the cliff.

"KILL THEM!" called out Kuro in a commanding tone. Behind him on the pirate ship, nearly a hundred pirates clamoured to their feet and over the edge. "I'll get the sheephead house steward – you lot kill these children!"

* * *

><p>"Apple?" queried Kai, glancing over to his troublesome little brother, who was grappling with the door handle of the front door. "Do you want to go outside? You'll have to wait until… Apple!"<p>

The babe had glared at the door in annoyance, then nodded to himself. With a slight poof of air, the toddler reappeared on the other side of the door, just visible through the window across from where Kai sat.

Kai quickly scrambled to his feet. "Apple! Be careful! Wait until Merry gets home!" he called out, rushing after his little brother.

Apple giggled at seeing the alarmed look on his brother's face and poofed away again, this time appearing some twenty feet off. He waved happily at his brother coming after him, excited that he'd found a way to get his brother out of the house to play.

"This isn't funny, Apple!" scolded Kai, rushing after his brother and already panting for breath. "I can't – huff – last long! You need to wait for – pant – wait for Merry or Usopp!"

As if in response, he suddenly heard screaming, and Merry appeared charging down the path.

With a surge of adrenalin, Kai dashed forward and caught a distracted Apple. He slapped the child lightly on the head in reproof and picked up the whimpering toddler, who finally was figuring out something was wrong.

"Don't you _ever_ run away like that!" shouted Kai desperately. Unfortunately, now Kai was heaving for breath and his legs folded beneath him. He clung to his brother tightly though, shielding him as best he could from whatever was behind Merry.

Merry almost collapsed when he reached Kai, supporting himself on his knees .

"Master Kai! Klahadore – he…! He…!"

"What is it, Merry? Is Klahadore alright?"

"That disgusting _traitor_ is really a pirate! And he's planning to kill us all and steal your fortune for himself!"

Kai froze, then his arms tightened around his baby brother protectively. "Wh-what…? Klahadore?" He suddenly forced a laugh. "Of… of course not, Merry! Klahadore practically raised Apple and me! He would never…"

"I heard him myself, Master Kai! I _saw_ the pirate ship! Usopp and her friends are fighting the Black Cat pirates as we speak! We have to alert the town and run away!"

Kai stared at Merry with wide eyes. There was clearly some sort of block in his understanding of the situation. "Is – is this another of Usopp's jokes? It's not funny, Merry."

"I'm _serious_, Master Kai! If we stay, we'll all be killed!"

"Klahadore would _never_…"

"He HAS!" shouted Merry, grabbing Kai's arm and trying to get him to stand up.

"KAI!" screamed Usopp's voice, running clumsily towards them. "RUN!"

"Usopp! Tell me this is a…" and Kai's eyes latched on to a long stream of blood pouring out of Usopp's arm. As if to hammer in the reality of the terrible situation, a circular spinning knife whizzed forward and slammed into the long-nosed girl, bashing her into the ground and sticking out of her shoulder.

"Oo-sup!" whimpered Apple, and to Kai's horror, the toddler disappeared from his arms to reappear next to Usopp's head, leaning over and patting the girl's head in an attempt to help.

Kai struggled to his feet, but wasn't fast enough as a man who had to be a pirate, though with strange heart-shaped glasses, striped goatee, and a dancer-style outfit, came up the path. The man chuckled, ripped the blade from Usopp's shoulder, and hefted the child into his own arms.

"Young Master Kai? Well, now I've saved myself some trouble. Be a good kid and stay there while I kill these two…"

"WAIT!" cried out Kai desperately. "Kill them and I won't do anything! You want my fortune, right? You can have it!"

Django, the substitute captain of the Black Cat pirates, frowned thoughtfully. "I was just planning on hypnotizing you, but if you're volunteering, that could save time. I need you to write a will leaving everything to your faithful butler Klahadore. Agreed?"

"Done! Now put my brother down and get away from Usopp!"

The man casually dropped Apple. "I'll just be killing you all later, but whatever," he said casually.

"Like hell you're getting away with this!" gasped out Usopp, lifting her slingshot and firing something that exploded straight into the man's face. He staggered back, crying out in pain and anger. Usopp stumbled to her feet, and fired again, and again.

Out of the blue, Usopp's pirate crew, Carrot, Pepper, and Onion, charged out from some bushes and ran screaming towards the man, armed with miscellaneous household weaponry. In seconds, Django was groaning and delirious, on the ground and completely unable to move.

Everyone was quiet for nearly a minute, staring at the crumbled pirate.

Usopp spoke first.

"Don't tell anyone, okay?" she said softly, kneeling to the ground and grabbing the man's legs. She started dragging him back the way they came.

"What…?" gasped Kai.

"Luffy's probably beaten Klahadore by now. Let's send these pirates off and pretend nothing ever happened."

"… how?" began Merry, stunned.

"I trust her," said Usopp, smiling. "Don't know why. But I just know she won."

Kai took Apple in his arms and Merry helped Usopp drag the pirate back the way they'd come.

* * *

><p>Usopp's gut had been right.<p>

Klahadore lay unconscious on the ground, still wearing some sort of strange gloves with swords sticking out like claws. There were amazing slashes in the cliff's walls, and even more amazing was the damage to all the pirates… even as Namizo, Zora, and Luffy dusted themselves off and chatted together as if nothing had happened.

"Oh, good!" cheered Luffy, seeing Usopp returning with the others. "That's the last guy!" She turned to the few still conscious Black Cat pirates and called out with a loud voice.

"Get all your guys back on that ship and get out of here! You're not welcome!" she shouted angrily. "I'll personally beat down any idiot who doesn't get out of here NOW!"

Then she turned back to Usopp with a cheerful smile. "I like you! You risked yourself to save your village, even though you're a coward and a liar that nobody likes!"

"Hey!" shouted Usopp, slightly insulted.

"Join my crew! You can be our sharpshooter!"

Usopp's eyes widened in shock, then a smile of incredible happiness lit up her face. "I… you want me to come with you?"

"Yep!"

Usopp coughed and that strange haughty attitude she got when she made up stupid stories seemed to wash over her as she posed thoughtfully. "I suppose so, long as I can be captain…."

"No way! I'm captain!" laughed Luffy.

"Well, for now anyway! You make one mistake and I'll take over!" retorted Usopp, then the attitude dropped away showing flat out juvenile excitement. "Yes! Yes! I'm going out to sea!" she cheered.

She suddenly rushed up to Kai and grabbed him in a hug, then spun him around, practically dancing with joy.

"Isn't this great, Kai? I always dreamed of following my father's footsteps! Of becoming a warrior of the sea! I've never been so happy in all my life!"

Merry took in the fake smile on Kai's face as he stiffly nodded. Usopp was too excited to see the heartbreak just under the surface.

"It's wonderful, Usopp," said Kai, then he bravely stepped forward and kissed her forehead. "Um… just be sure to come back, okay?"

Usopp blushed red and giggled. "Oh, you can be sure of that! Though who knows how long that'll be, with all the adventures I'll be having!"

"I'll wait," said Kai softly, then he quickly painted on another fake smile. "Just be sure to write, okay? Promise?"

"Of course!" said Usopp happily. "You're my best friend! Not like I'll be forgetting about you, no matter where I go!"

Kai's face finally relaxed into a genuine smile, not that Usopp noticed as she was already calling out to Namizo.

"I'm just gonna grab my stuff from my house and be right back, okay?"

"Sounds good!" called back Namizo. "We have to get our own stuff from the little boat we were using on the other side of the island, so we have time."

* * *

><p>Two hours later, Kai sat on the top of the cliff waving to an excited Usopp as their ship departed. Apple, sitting in his lap, waved happily as well, and then snuggled up against his brother for a nap. Merry sat at his right side.<p>

"Master Kai? Are you alright?" asked Merry, seeing the smile finally drop away and the young man's eyes redden with tears. The ship carrying Usopp and her new nakama away was finally disappearing into the horizon.

"I'm going to be a doctor, Merry. And I'm going to work hard to get healthier. I'll be ready when Usopp comes back."

"Very good, sir."

* * *

><p><em>Author's Note: And we've got our marksman and the Going Merry! Dare I say we meet a beautiful, boy-crazy blonde chef next? Oh, and can't forget Zora's brothers Yosaku and Johnny, right? Ah, new question! What do you guys think of Yosaku andor Johnny having an obsessive crush on Zora? Just an out-there idea, but you guys seemed to love the last insane idea I came up with… Actually, 'Sanje' might be crazy enough all on her own… _


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